A Losing Game

"The Score - Part II"

            In the present, Roderick left the motel with Angelique. He kept her hands tied behind her back but she was no longer gagged. While he was driving, she looked out of the passenger side window. Her mind was first and foremost on her own safety. Then, she began to think about Don Don and her long and complicated relationship with him.

            "He once punched me so hard that I lost a tooth," she said out of the blue, catching Roderick's attention. "I have to wear a dental partial."

            "Word?" Roderick asked. "That's fucked up."

            "He pushed me down and I got back up and slapped the shit out of him, so he punched me right in the mouth. I fought back and scratched his face up and we scrapped until a teacher broke us up. Him and his boys were terrible in high school. I used to hate whenever I ran into them because I was always called hurtful names and pushed and slapped or punched, especially when no one else was around. Even when he wasn't with his boys, he'd call me out my name and hit me. It got to a point where I just got numb to it."

            "Why in the hell are you with him now? I don't get it."

            "I never fully understood it myself. He dropped out of high school and I just never saw him again until like five years later. I transitioned and changed my name and went to community college to become a nurse. I had a whole life and I was happy. Then, he approached me outside a club one random summer night. He just thought he looked so damn fine, and he did." She laughed a little and continued, "He offered me three thousand dollars if I went for a ride with him. Shit, I got bills so I took the offer."

            "He got in your head?"

            "No, I got in his. I'd been in his head for a long time. I hadn't thought about him before that night but I also never forgot all of the people, including him, who caused me to experience so much trauma back in the day. Things have changed nowadays but back then the hood was different."

            "It ain't too different. It's always been spotty. Everybody is a follower so if one person is cool with somebody bein' gay or trans then their friends are cool with it. If somebody has hatred in their heart for people like us, then their crew is gonna feel the same way. That's why I've always tried to surround myself with people who think for themselves. It ain't perfect because people ain't perfect, but it's easier to deal with than mothafuckas who plot behind your back because they're insecure with themselves."

            "How old are you?"

            "Eighteen."

            "Wow, you have a lot of wisdom for an eighteen-year-old. I wish there were more boys like you when I was in high school."

            Roderick laughed a little and said, "I'm sure there were plenty of gay niggas in school with you."

            "Oh, there were, but they were just as messy and hateful towards each other as the cis hetero people were towards us."

            "Well, it's still like that now but it's more of them bein' messy instead of outright hateful towards each other."

            "I bet you avoided all of the mess, huh?"

            "Not really. I did some fucked up shit, too. Even though I did it out of love, it was still fucked up. I'm not an angel. I was never that."

            "Donovan wasn't either but now I'm his angel. You know, sometimes I want to hate him for what he did to me. I want him to feel all of the emotional and physical pain he inflicted on me. Then, I think about the fact that I'm not that person anymore. I'm not Antwan. And he's not Don Don. That street name has always been his shield, keeping people on the outside from seeing who he really was."