Sander and Robbe, Minute by Minute

Before You

Sander moved away from his reach, "Come on, strike a pose."

Robbe giggled again, not letting Sander took a picture of him.

Sander dropped down to lie his head on Robbe's chest, directed the camera to them, "Wait, I'll turn it around."

Robbe laughed and hugged him and Sander stuck out his tongue for their picture.

After a while, Sander ended up lying with his feet on the headboard and his head on the foot of the bed, supported on Robbe's arm. Robbe was half-lying, half-sitting on the bed, with his lower body and feet touching the floor, his head was on Sander's side.

"Who was your favorite actor?" Sander asked.

Robbe, stroking his hair answered, "Leonardo DiCaprio."

"Seriously?" Sander looked down to his face.

"Ya!" Robbe replied. Sander snorted a laugh because DiCaprio? Like really?

"You never saw Romeo and Juliet? It's fucking beautiful." Robbe said with total awe in his voice.

Sander smiled to himself because Robbe loving soapy romances was adorably sweet.

"Actually, life is a bit like a movie sometimes." Sander said, thinking out loud.

"How do you mean?"

"You're in charge of directing it. Deciding what life is and what it will become."

Robbe thought about this and said, "No, I don't believe that."

"No?"

He shaked his head and said, "Do you know the multiverse theory?"

"Like in Spiderman?"

Robbe laughed and explained, "The theory is based on the idea that time is just a dimension. And so, aside from this universe, there are also a bunch of other universes.. whenever you make a choice, the universe splits."

Sander knew what he meant, but he said jokingly, "So like in the Flash?"

"Did you watch the Flash, now?"

He chuckled, "Guilty pleasure from my youth."

Robbe continued saying, "But then.. you know, you can exist in every universe, but it just slightly different each time."

Sander closed his eyes sleepily, thinking and imagining with Robbe, enjoying the constant touch of his fingers on his hair and listening to his comforting voice. He felt like he could fell asleep any second.

"That there could be a Sander and Robbe that are lying in the exact same position as we are.. but.. like the curtains are different color."

Sander cracked open his eyes, "Yellow curtains?"

Robbe chuckled, "For example."

"Have you never thought about that before?"

"I have," Sander answered quietly. Because he did, often, it was his existence. "But then I feel lonely."

"Why?" Robbe asked.

"Just.. Doesn't it ever happen to you, that you find yourself thinking: How come I am thinking this exact thing? Then you go back, retrace your thoughts step by step, and then you take a look at how one thought morph into the next. And then you are left wondering: why does it do that?"

He could felt it now, the shadow of that black and dark place that had enveloped him, buried him. The endless journey with nothing, and no one, but coldness and his thoughts, closing on him, sucking him down.

"If I had gone from this one thought to completely different thought, then I wouldn't be thinking what I am thinking right now. It just keeps going. It's going and going and it doesn't stop."

"Hey." Sander heard Robbe's voice and felt Robbe's fingers brushing his hair soothingly. He could heard his heart racing and felt the shadow distantly in his mind, retreating back.

"You know, thoughts never stop. Not even when you are sleeping. The only way you can stop your thoughts is by dying."

"That's dark." Robbe said. There was concern and something else in his voice.

Sander realised that he had let his guard down and rambled on, and that he might had scared Robbe. He calmed himself, letting the warm presence of Robbe anchoring him back.

"Never thought about that before?"

Robbe shook his head. "No."

That's good Robbe, good for you. He said jokingly to lighten the atmosphere, "I sometimes forget how young you are."

"Hey." Robbe touched his cheek teasingly. He seemed to notice his lingering mood though, because he rose his head up and kissed him gently. Sander gave himself to that touch willingly, and felt the darkness evaporated from him. Robbe suddenly got up and about to climb on top of him or something.

"Woah woah, what are you planning on doing?" Sander teased him, pretended to be shock with his sudden aggresiveness. Knowing that Robbe was new to this, and had had a hard time with it, he was taking things slow with him. But he was absolutely, definitely, up to anything Robbe wanted.

Robbe, saddling him, giggled shyly, kissed him, and patted his cheeks. He ran both of his hands down his sides and asked, "When did you actually fall for me?"

Sander answered without hesitation, "Before you."

Robbe looked confused so he clarified, "Do you remember that night we spray painted that garbage truck?"

Robbe frowned in thought.

Sander looked at him and said, "The moonlight was shining down on you and I knew right away: He is the one."

"You were there?"

"Wait." Sander smiled and lifted him up from him.

"I didn't see you."

Sander took his phone and showed him the picture he had taken of him that night, "Look."

"Huh? You were there as well?"

"Did you not recognise me?"

"No."

Sander grinned and joked, "Then the cops definitely won't."

Robbe chuckled and then smiled broadly, looking at the picture and back at him. He grabbed him and they fell down together to the bed, kissing earnestly. Robbe was under him, holding his body tightly to him, pulling on his shirt. His phone chimed and Sander sighed, annoyed. Robbe planted a kiss on his cheek before Sander got up.

He checked his phone that was still continuously chiming. Robbe made a low complaining sound and hanging onto him from behind, he felt him kissed his shoulder once and kept his arms around him. It was messages from Britt. She was still texting him and acting like nothing happened yesterday. It was infuriating and Sander had ignored her.

"Huh? I thought you.." Robbe had seen the text and he let go of him.

"Yeah, I told her. But she doesn't seem to be getting it." Sander slipped the phone into his pocket. "She can be so controlling." He sighed.

Robbe had moved away from him and leaning with his back on the headboard. Sander turned his head and studied him. Robbe looked jealous, and that was cute but Sander detected something else. Robbe was regarding him silently and saying nothing. Sander was frightened and the feeling shocked him. He moved to him and put his head on his shoulder, trying to reach him back. He glanced up at his face but Robbe didn't meet his eyes. Sander thought of how to explain things so that he would believe him. Explaining his complicated relationship with Britt would lead to his BD and he could not have that. Not yet.

"You know what.. Right now there's probably a dimension where another Sander is still together with Britt."

He looked up at him and said wholeheartedly, "I am happy that I live in this universe."

Robbe looked down into his eyes. Then he smiled and Sander kissed him deeply, willing him to feel the truth of his heart, everything that he could not said with words, and clasped him tightly to him. He felt Robbe's arm embracing him back. They didn't talk for a while after that.