Out Of The Dark

Johanna and Enobaria

Enobaria leans over in the chair she's sitting on. It's beige, and looks suspiciously normal compared to her sharp teeth. I think you can hear her teeth when she talks; not like they're rattling around or anything, they just make her words seem more pronounced- ironically, sharper. Rain thuds against the window behind her, a soft background noise that seems to remind me of rainy days at home. "You could get like that. That's why I'm helping you, Jo, other than the fact we're friends."

"Don't call me Jo," I shoot back. "Wait, sorry, I..." I try to soften my tone a little, "I didn't mean- sorry. I just... I guess it reminds me of Hazel. You can call me Jo."

She smiles a sad smile and I look back at the window. "I had something to tell you, as well. You know I've been seeing that guy back in 2?"

"I thought you dumped him?" 

"I did," she says. "But it appears that I am now pregnant."

"What?" I say.

"Well, I was just thinking that I can't take care of a baby myself, and I don't know of how I could get an abortion, but I do recall that you and Hazel were going to adopt a child. I just wanted to know if you would like to take care of mine."

"Um," I start, stumbling over my words, "can you do that? Like, legally, can you just... give me your child?"

Enobaria shrugs. "I don't see why not."

"I think there's going to be some paperwork involved in this. And what about the guy in two?"

"Forget him," she waves the thought away like it's the man from 2. "He made it clear he didn't care."

"You told him?"

"I told him there was a possibility of it."

"Okay," my hand automatically goes to my head, pulling what little of my hair there is back from my eyes, "well, I think you need to contact someone, or something. What if I need qualifications?"

"So you're considering it?"

"No! Yes... maybe. I'm not sure. You think I can just go, 'Oh sure, give me your child', because I think that's illegal?"

"It might not be. Who knows what's legal anymore?"

I shake my head, "I certainly don't but I cannot just wait for you to give birth and then just take the thing you spent nine months on."

"Again, why not?" She gives me a very insistent look. "I'm your friend, and I wouldn't be a very good mother."

"I mean, Katniss knew she wasn't going to be a very good mother but she didn't just offer me her children!"

"Yeah, but she had Peeta. I don't have anyone. And I wouldn't burden you with them, I'd help you take care of whatever it happens to be."

"I..." I shake my head. My protestations go on for what seems like hours, yet eventually we agree that we go to whoever is in charge, and I softly whisper, "I'm doing this for you, Hazel," as I sleep that night.

◇◇◇

I can see them already there, all sitting under the big willow that we were under two days ago. Peeta, Katniss holding Willow, Finnick, Annie, Prim, even Enobaria. And they're all here before me.

I pull my flannel shirt around my dress, my boots thudding against the floor as I walk up to them and lay down some food on the picnic blanket. "There. Sorry I couldn't get anything else."

"It's okay," Katniss tells me. "I'm glad you're here."

"Where else would I be?" I say.

"I don't know," Finnick interjects, "but I'm also glad you're here and not wherever else you might be. So," he turns to Enobaria, "didn't you say you had some news?"

"Oh, yes," she says, "I'm pregnant." Finnick chokes on his drink. "And Johanna was going to adopt the baby." And then he chokes even more, resulting in Peeta having to try and stop him from suffocating.

"Did I hear that right?"

"I'm not sure yet," I mention, "and I don't even know how I'd do it, or if I can even just take the child."

"No, it's legal," he says, winded. "I think. Is it legal?"

Annie shakes her head, looking up from the floor, "I don't know, maybe. Probably. I think..."

"Well, are you sure Jo?"

"I told you," I say, "I haven't decided yet."

After that, it goes quite quiet and people end up just eating, but Katniss does turn to me and smile. "You'll be okay," she whispers. I nod and we go back to silence under the Willow tree.

◇◇◇

I can't bear to face Enobaria after that, but Katniss offers me her old house for the next couple of days, which I accept.

It's bigger than I thought it would be- and that's all that can go through my mind as I walk around it- maybe I thought District 12's Victor houses would be smaller or something, but they really aren't. They're a different shape, but still roughly the same. "So, you only lived here for a year?" I ask, to which she nods her head.

"Yeah. It was never home, but I don't know if I can go back to here. I mean, it's full of all the stuff of what I used to be, and I don't want to think about that." She sighs, sees something in the room and her head goes lower. "I don't know. Maybe I think it would remind me of Gale, but at the same time it's from when he wasn't yet who he became. And it also reminds me of Snow. There's something nagging at my mind that maybe he left something here, but I don't think I could give the house away either- my Mom might actually come back someday."

"She wasn't at the wedding?"

"No," Katniss says. "I don't think she even knew; we didn't tell many people, and I don't even know where she is anymore."

My jaw drops a little. "She didn't tell you?"

"No."

"Do you know why?"

Katniss just shrugs. "Maybe she wanted to get away from the idea of my Father."

I nod, dropping the bag I was carrying. "If you don't mind me asking, did you find out if the Capitol actually did what you thought they did to you?"

"No. But I don't need to anymore. I'm happy as I am, and it's up to the future if I have children again or not. Maybe in the future I'll find out, and it'll be sad, but it was only speculation anyway. But now I have all of you, and I think that might be enough. I just wish Silas and Hazel at least could have made it."

I smile at her, somehow optimistic even in the dark. "I do too. But we're all in a better place now. Do you ever... think about what's happened to you? Get sad?"

She nods. "All the time. Don't you?"

She is then silent, before she shows me where the bathroom is and leaves me standing in the mansion whilst the rain once again drums across the cold windows.

◇◇◇

The train going back is slow and dull, but I do talk to Enobaria. "I'll think about it," I keep telling her, even though I've already thought about it. I know what I want. I know. I think about it all the time, so much it stops me from sleeping. If Hazel can't be here anymore, it's the only other thing I don't have. It's the only thing I need.

I pace the corridors of the train, scared of what the future could bring, but slightly excited at the same time.