To Have and to Hold - Bucky Barnes (TFATWS)

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"I won't tell her you called her a hard-ass."

"She already knows. Are you nervous?"

"Well you've painted her in such a lovely way. I can't wait to meet her," Carina said during their commute to Dr. Raynor's office. 

The doctor was waiting for  them in the reception area when they arrived.  "Ah, James."

"Doc."

"I'm guessing this is your wife."

"Yes, Carina. Nice to meet you Dr. Raynor. Thank you so much for everything you're doing."

"That's what I'm here for, that's my job. Now, I think I'll speak with you first," she told Carina.

"Sounds good."

"James, you can wait out here."

Bucky nodded and took a seat in one of the many awaiting chairs while Dr. Raynor led Carina into her office and closed the door.

"Please, have a seat." The doctor nodded to the empty chair, she taking a seat in the chair opposite.  

"Firstly I just want to say again thank you for what you're doing for Bucky. We really appreciate it. Both of us, so much." 

The therapist gave a nod. "The reason I've called you in today is because I want to hear your side of the story."

"Oh." Carina was sure her surprise showed. 

"So I'll open it up to you." Dr. Raynor gestured for her to begin whenever she was ready. 

"Okay, well, we met way back in 1941 and instantly clicked. My family is Latino, but my parents were very focused on fitting in as 'Americans'. They were very paranoid, my grandparents had really struggled as immigrants. I went by 'Karen' whenever away from home, but with Bucky I instantly felt safe and accepted, didn't want to hide my true self from him, and he didn't want me to either. It was a very good feeling.   We started going out and then he joined up and got deployed a year later and we always had plans to pick up right where we left off once the war was over and he returned home. I got a job with Stark Industries and their war effort. I only saw him once more in England before he allegedly died..." Even though it was so long ago, those emotions suddenly came rushing back and settling within her like they had all those years, all those decades, ago.

"I was devastated, we both were, Steve and I. He lost his best friend and I lost the man I loved. I was hoping to marry him after the war..."  She tried to push those emotions away - Bucky was alive, she reminded herself, he was safe and they were married now. He was waiting right outside the door. But she had been trapped in the belief that he was gone for so long that it was easy to get wrapped up in it again, even though it was all over now. 

Well, maybe not all  over.

"I kept working closely with Howard  after the war, with the SSR, the early S.H.I.E.L.D., and I had my good friend Peggy Carter there with me, which was such a blessing. We bonded over both losing the men we loved and being the only women in our workplace. Bless Peggy. I miss her so much. I'm sorry, I'm just rambling - is this what you're looking for?" she broke off suddenly.

The doctor nodded. "Yes, no need to apologize."

"Okay, thanks. Um, then there was S.H.I.E.L.D. I always wanted to be a scientist working in a lab but the education for  that let alone job opportunities for women in that field at the time were few and far between, if any at all, especially a woman of my background."

"Did you date anyone else after losing James?"

The question struck her. "Um, not really. He was my one, I was so sure of that. He is.  I did go out with an SSR colleague, Jack, a few times, but it didn't stick. No one could replace Bucky and honestly I wasn't all that keen on moving forward with anyone else.  I had my work, a job few like me had, and I was proud to hold such a position, so that took most of my focus. It was around then that I began noticing my lack of ageing..." Again, she paused, unsure of how much detail to go into, but Dr. Raynor simply nodded, urging her to continue.  "I wasn't ageing, not like the people around me were, and I had no explanation for it, and it was being noticed by most of the people around me.  Then, in the early '70s, when I had barely aged a day since thirty years previous, I asked Peg to help me go dark, disappear, go off the grid."