"The Boy Next Door" Cliché

• two •

The dog is his polar opposite (Or equally a polar bear?). Now I know I said I kinda liked this guy but that DOG - it's love at first sight.

So I try (and probably fail) to act casually, giving the boy and the dog a casual grin as the football flies right past my ear. Veryyyy smooth Fern.

The golden retriever, of course, instantly chases the ball. Not-Kylo-Ren (man I need to find out his name) stumbles into a run and begins to apologise while Daniel starts ruffling the dogs fur and telling her what a good girl she is. I presume he's read her tag?

"Honestly it's fine!" I say, wishing I sounded more interesting, "I don't think Daniel or your dog mind."

One side of his mouth starts a grin, "thanks. She's called Luna, and I'm Archie."

"Fern," I respond, and jokingly offer a hand to shake. He takes it with a slight bow of his head, and we both grin a little. Looking back to where Daniel and Luna are now playing, Archie sighs gently and says "I should take her for a longer walk, but if you want to play football any time over the next few days she's a cracking dribbler!"

"A Christmas Day football truce?" I raise an eyebrow.

"I didn't know we were at war," he retorts with a wink, "but I warn you I'm shit at singing silent night."

"Trick is not starting too high," I say - what a stupid thing to say Fern!

"I'll bear that in mind," he smiles, then asks "are you here for long?"

"Until the 29th yeah," I reply begrudgingly, "you?"

"We're even staying till new year," he rolls his eyes, and I can't help but suspect we have a similar feeling towards the traditional family Christmas. "I'll see you around!"

And with that Archie whistles for Luna and off they walk. Damn. Fuck damn shit. Such a short conversation I should've kept him talking longer! After a hundred yards or so, he turns back and gives a small wave. I wave back, praying he doesn't notice my obvious boner for him.

•

Now I'm burning with questions: which relatives is he staying with? Is he single? Is he straight? Should I have asked for his number or his Instagram? How come I've never seen him here before? And say I do want to play football with Luna, how do I get hold of him? Just knock on the door? But I can't just saunter round cause my family will instantly know...

We're all sitting in the living room for a Christmas Eve drink. My parents reckon I'm drinking lemonade but I did slosh some white wine in - don't look at me like that, I know nothing about cocktails!!

I've decided to start plotting. How can I give Archie my number without being wayyy too forward? I could slip a note through his door... better yet I could make a totally fake dog walker advert with my number on it then we can walk his dog together, make out, run away together and I'm getting carried away goddamnit.

Then I remember that our back gardens share a fence - why are you so thick Fern?? - I could wait till Luna's out then just *casually* pop out the back to talk to him. That'll work right?

•

Now I have to... spy on their back garden. So normal. I claim to be going upstairs to read a book, but in reality I'm sitting at the window that overlooks the gardens being a total creep. Is it possible that I'm in too deep?

But then, praise the fucking angels in heaven, a shaft of light appears on their lawn, and a tumble of fluff darts across it, followed by someone who I hope is Archie. I am so. Lame.

I dart downstairs to the back door again, grabbing my biggest woolly jumper and shoving my feet into some sliders. But now how do I make this seem natural???

"Didn't expect to see you out at this time," a voice calls from the dark. Fuck.

I laugh nervously, "just getting some fresh air, I might have had a little too much to drink," all the while I'm trying to locate him: there. He's tall enough to rest his arms and head on the fence and look over at me. I walk over and say, "I was just wondering, by the way, if I were to take you up on that football request, how should I let you know...?"

"Good one, I realise now that I sounded a bit vague, didn't I?" he smiles, and gets his phone out. The screen is painfully bright in the dark gardens. "What's your Instagram handle?"

"@fernn1989. Two n's"

"Taylor Swift fan? Or wish you'd seen the Berlin Wall fall?" He teases. Damnit how is his mind so quick?? I need a witty response and I need it fast.

"Both, I'm cultured," what a shit line, "and yours?"

"@archieofthemillvariety" he grins. He's so proud of that username.

"Yes very witty," I sigh and get out my phone to look him up.

"If I'm allowed to keep you out here a little longer, Fern, may I ask what it is about Christmas you don't like?" Archie's tone has changed a little, he's more serious now.

"What makes you think I don't like Christmas?" I laugh, genuinely surprised.

"The way you talked about how long you have to stay here." Great so he's perceptive.

"Oh I see, no well the thing I find is, when we were kids it was lovely and magical and everyone loved coming together for a family Christmas, but now all the kids are older, we can sort of see the tensions between our parents and grandparents and it makes me wonder who the act is for yknow? But Christmas, nooo no, I fucking love Christmas. I love food and lights and secret Santas and sitting round the fire and snow, when we get it." I stop talking now cause I realise I've been ranting a little.

"Interesting, actually, and I'm glad to hear you're not a grinch," the grin returns to Archie's (gorgeous) face.

"And what about you," I venture, "do you enjoy a family Christmas?"

"Actually yeah, I do, but it's probably cause our dynamic sounds different to yours." He looks away while he's talking, "My cousins are 2 and 5, they just moved here and it's really sweet making everything special for them. Tiring, but nice. Though my older sister isn't such a fan and I can see how there could be problems in the future. But for now it's fine and I'm happy with that. The only thing I'm desperately trying to get away from is my dad; he's, ah, a little controlling and I think he thinks I'm gay..." it's dark but I know he's blushing.

"And are you?" I try to sound as gentle as possible.

"Bi. Still, he'd flip about that."

"In a way that could be worse if he thinks you're able to be 'saved'," I offer, then realise, "sorry that isn't helpful."

"No no it's okay, and you're absolutely right, I hadn't thought of that before." Archie looks back at me and the serious look on his face melts a little into a wry smile. "Are you shivering?"

"I'm fucking freezing Archie," I retort but we both giggle.

"You should head back inside, we can keep talking online," he suggests. Well now I'm torn, cause of course I'm freezing but I wanna keep talking and it's so much easier face to face.

I turn to leave then quickly add, "Merry Christmas, Archie," and realise afterwards how honest and sincere I sound.

"Merry Christmas, Fern," he says softly, sending shivers down my spine that have nothing to do with the cold.

I feel those shivers all night long.

[1313 words]