I'll Love You Forever And Always

16. Coax Me Out My Low

This chapter contains self harm so if your not comfortable reading I recommend skipping. I'll put "***" when it starts and ends

Athena was stunned, she had a feeling about whom it would be. It was clear that he still loved her. But he was with Arielle know, and there was no way around. "Alex, if she felt the same way I'm sure she would wait an eternity for you, if she always thought about ya too, she would kill for you. Anyone would kill to be with someone like ya Alex. I know she loves you too" Athena confessed. Her feelings towards Alex had been always quite confusing. But she knew she loved him but she wasn't ready to fully admit it yet.

"But i love both, and I want to be with Arielle bu-"

"You want to be with Arielle then stay with her. She loves you and you love her, it's perfect now. And the other girl will always be waiting for you" she interrupted

"And what if she doesn't?" Alex asked "What if she isn't there when things don't work out?"

"You don't have to worry about that, and trust me she will always be standing next to you" Athena reassured, and with her words the conversation was closed. Both wandering alone in their minds searching for each other. But they would only find each other by being honest. Every little part of Athena wanted to have Alex, kiss him and tell him that she loved him, but she couldn't, Alex and Arielle were so happy together and she couldn't ruin it. Neither of them talked, just sat there in silence admiring each other. Athena just wanted to cry. Everything was going so good, but now that Alex had confessed that he still had feelings for her was unbearable. She couldn't enjoy the night anymore so decided to go home.

"Sorey guys but I don't feel so good, I think I'm gonna head home" she said

"Oh no that's sad, hope you'll feel better soon darlin" Nick said. She hugged everyone goodbye and then headed home.

***
Normally Athena was not so much of a crier but after all the overwhelming things she has had to experience, she would cry herself asleep a lot more. And not only that. There was always an urging pain in her chest, that would grow bigger and bigger. She would feel the need to just scream for help. It was like she was falling back in to the black hole, but it was now bigger and deeper. Nothing could help anymore. Sometimes she would think about death, that she had an option. But there was something that she could do that would take away the need to scream to someone. Normally she tried her best to not fall back in to the habit but today was here tipping point, she couldn't handle it a lot longer.

Tears began to come out of the corner of her eyes as she grabbed a lighter. She sank down in to her knees as she pulled down her trousers. Athena began to seek for the place she had done it before. She slowly began to burn her skin on her inner thigh, as much as it hurts, it expressed her inner feelings. After a couple minutes she would began to enjoy it, as weird as it may sound pain made her comfortable, sadness made her comfortable.

***
When she finally stopped it felt that a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. As she slowly stood up the tears began to flow again. Everything had became to much. With nothing else to do, Athena decided to take a shower. She slowly took off her clothes. When she was fully undressed she looked in the mirror she didn't see herself she saw someone who was once fallen again in the black hole. She couldn't even look at her own body. When the water was warm enough she got in. She let the hot water flow down on her entire body. When the water came to the spots, she would sis, as a reminder of what she had just done.

Shower are Athena's kind of escape, escape to another reality. The tranquil sound of the water tapping against her body and ground. She liked to take very hot showers, the hot water tickling against her skin and her skin turning red. Her comfort space. She would never turn on the lights, always showering in darkness.

As much as she tried to avoid her intrusive thoughts, they came quickly around. She tried not to listen to them, but they were quickly enough to fill up her whole mind. Tears began to break free again. Flowing together with the water. When she came out of the shower she came to a lot of messages of Alex.

Did you go back home? I can't find you nowhere. Is everything alright?
-Alex

Everything is ok Alex. I didn't feel so good. Just came out of the shower. No need to worry xx
-me

Over the course of the weeks those habits of her came more often. Athena hadn't told anyone and does not intend on doing it. Every time she came home she would do it. She tried to stop it, but it helped her.

New Years eve she went to a party with Lorena, they got pretty pissed and so she hooked up with someone. He was a very sweet guy, brown hair and blue eyes, pretty tall. It was a friend of a friend, so they talked for a while. Both were pretty drunk so they went up to a bedroom. When the guy came around the area he saw what she had did, after they did it he said something to her.

"I get that yer feeling like this, and it helps you express it but maybe it will help that you talked about it to someone. I've felt the same but it's not worth hurting yer self" he told her