What Nobody Knew

Part 34

The waiter came back to the table, passing the check over to William. Everybody at the table stood up and started greeting each other after William handed the check back to the waiter.

There were handshaking and smiles, and an English "Goodbye" directed at me. 

When William and I were back inside the confines of the car, I turned my full attention to him.

"Alright, is there anything that I can jot down?" I asked notebook and pen at the ready.

"No, there's no need for that." 

Of course, there isn't.

The second thing that William wasn't all that honest about? That he would go through the notes with me after each meeting. He did the same thing after the first and second meeting as well. I assumed that nothing worth mentioning happened during those. Now, however, it has become abundantly clear that he simply had no intention to let me do my job. 

Why was I here? Why did he have me fly off to this bloody country and sit through all of these meetings, knowing I had no idea what was going on or what was being said?

"Very well, sir," I clipped, snapping my notebook shut and turning my body to face away from him.

I could feel it, I could feel his eyes on me.

I didn't turn, I didn't move an inch. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction.

I felt like an outsider in a foreign country. I knew no one, there wasn't one single thing to offer a semblance of familiarity, apart from William himself. And he was the very person who made me feel more alienated. It felt like he was going out of his way to make me feel out of place and convey the message that he didn't need me, that he could handle everything perfectly well without me. 

A more stable Elizabeth would have realized that what I was feeling had very little to do with William and a whole lot more to do with my feelings of inadequacy. I didn't want to face that now. For now, I wanted to direct my frustration at William.

The driver took us back to the hotel since there was an hour gap between the previous and our last meeting for the day. 

William gave a few sideways glances at me as we were in the elevator and I could feel his eyes on my back as I walked ahead of him to our hotel suite. The more he paid attention, the more I could feel those inevitable feelings bubbling up. Those very feelings that would be a nuisance to him, that would make him see me as a fragile little university graduate who needed his constant reassurance. 

My pace was for once faster than his own. I just wanted to put as much distance as possible between us. 

There was a jumble of emotions bobbing around within me and the longer I sat on them, the more confusing and hard to contain they became.

I pulled open the door, William just behind me and I made a beeline for my room. I would be safe there, I would be able to get a grip of myself and my feelings. The pressure of William's attention wouldn't be pushing down on me, willing my emotions to come tumbling out.

William grabbed hold of my wrist, trying to pull me back to face him. I turned my face further away from him, not wanting him to do what he always does. Inspect, scrutinize, judge...

"Elizabeth, turn around." He demanded firmly.

I didn't budge.

I refused to show weakness, especially to him.

"Let go of me, William." I shot back.

I tried to sound like the strong, independent woman I believed myself to be but my voice betrayed me with a tremble infiltrating my speech.

Tears started stinging behind my eyes.

No, this was not bloody happening! I was not going to cry in front of him, I was not going to let him see me cry.

"Look at me." He repeated, pulling at my wrist, harder this time.

I was spun around by the force of his pull. 

My vision became blurry due to the tears that were welling up inside them. I blinked once to clear my sight and see William's face. This was a mistake. The dam started overflowing and a steady stream of tears started trickling down my face.

William's face softened with my tears.

He was feeling sorry for me...

"No, don't do that! Don't you dare pity me!" I said harshly, yanking my arm out of his grip. 

This was the last thing that I wanted. His judgement would've been better.

I turned to make a second attempt at getting away from him.

He was quicker though and was in front of me, holding me steady by my shoulders.

His eyes were searching my face, still laced with concern.

I turned my face away from him, I couldn't take him looking at me like that since I was determined to prove him wrong. I wasn't the simpering girl he took me for.

"Look at me Elizabeth." His words were determined but came out as a whisper.

I slowly raised my eyes to meet his, a few stray tears still trickling down my cheeks.

"Talk to me." He prompted.

"I...I just..." I attempted between tears, "I don't get it! Why did you bring me with you? Do you want to show me how useless I am? I get it, you can do it all yourself, but why bring me along at all if I'm just going to be in your way? Why hire me at all if this is what you think of me?" I looked into his eyes, trying to get the answer to this question that has been nagging at the back of my mind ever since he hired me. 

A new stream of tears started flowing down. I didn't know where they were coming from, maybe it was weeks of tension and frustration that I didn't even realize had built up. Frustration with our working relationship, frustration with the seemingly dead-end path that my life was on and frustration with my family. Being in this unknown environment where I could hardly speak with anyone was the cincher. 

William wiped away the tears from my cheeks, leaving a tingling trail wherever his fingers came in contact with my face. 

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel inadequate." William slipped his arms around my shoulders, pulling me into his chest. " I want you here and you aren't a nuisance, not at all." It felt like he wanted to say more but kept himself back, proceeding by rubbing soothing circles on my back.

I tensed up with the intimate contact of his body being pressed flush into mine. His heart was thrumming erratically against my own and his warmth spread over me. I didn't move, I couldn't.

"Elizabeth, if you want to hug me back, don't fight it." He whispered into my ear.

My arms came around his waist and pulled him even closer, as if on their own accord. I buried my face into his shoulder, inhaling his scent, allowing him to soothe my raging emotions.

With every passing moment in his arms, my anxiety became less and my tears dried up until there were no more left to shed.