UNDESERVING

Chapter 22

She then stood up, approached Mew's bed and sat down

"Can't you just die already Mew? If I could..I would have killed you a long time ago but I can't because I made a promise to that stupid man!!!" She whispered to herself..the urge to kill Mew and destroy him was high but she just couldn't..

Throughout the day, she didn't do anything about Mew's health..she hid the lotion and herb in her garment and watched him suffer, screaming and whimpering in pain..the sight gladdened her heart tremendously

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"Prince Gabriel I have something to tell you about your father" said Feng, the loyal guard of King Mew who also suspects his mother

Gabriel was just done with his lessons for the day and wanted to go rest in his chambers but here a guard was disturbing him about that evil man called his father, surely if he was a grownup..he would have slapped or punished him for mentioning that word "your father" to him

"Haven't I warned you people to stop mentioning him to me??..I don't want to hear anything concerning him, don't stop me again Feng" Gabriel said and headed for his room

"The King is critically ill Prince Gabriel and I really need to explain something to you" Feng said which made Gabriel stop walking, with his back still facing Feng...

"He can die for all I care" Gabriel coldly said and walked off leaving Feng in a shocked state of how their lovely Prince had turned to the opposite

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MEW'S POV

I am fully awake now and was crying and shaking, every part of me was in pain not just in physical pain but emotionally too, my heart is aching

I have seen everything I did to Gulf, I am more than ashamed of myself, I can't believe I was the one that did all those, even though I wasn't in full control of myself..still I would have fought over it, my love for him was weak to stop it..I am really worthless

Gulf was pregnant, I denied the pregnancy and accused him of my father's death..

Gulf was tortured with his pregnancy, I almost killed our baby and him..

Gulf was made my personal servant, I molested him..

I planned to even have another wife..

Gulf was raped by me and thrown away like a trash with our little daughter..

"No! No! No! No!...I'm a monster, this can't be happening to me, please someone tell me I am dreaming!!!!" I screamed aloud

"I'm a monster, I have betrayed Gulf and Gabby, I deserve to die, I deserve to die.." I cried wallowing in self pity and pain

"You're not dreaming, you really deserve to die Mew,you're a monster, have you seen what you did? I tried to stop you from everything that you did but you pushed everyone away from you, I had to let you be" Said my mother whom I just noticed was present

I want to hug her, for her comfort me..the pain is really killing me but she seems very angry with me, all I could was just break down in her presence..I really am a monster, I want to die

"Gulf is better off without you don't you think? by now he should have found someone who truly loves him, after all the pain you gave him..he deserves to be happy with someone else right? You caged him Mew, he would be hating you for everything you did, you separated him and his son Gabriel knowing fully well of how strong their bond was..Gabriel must be hating you too, you are really a bad father and a bad husband" my mother said, she is right..very right, I am bad, I am evil, I am a monster, Gulf hates me now, Gabriel must be hating me too, I have no one, I am pathetic..I failed..I failed as a son, a husband and father, I hate myself..I hate myself, I deserve to die..

"Mom please where can I find him, I need to apologize mom, I need to try and get him back, I need to tell him how sorry I am mom, mom please help me, I am in pain, my heart..it's aching mom, so bad" I cried, I couldn't stop my tears from flowing..I am really sorry, Gabby I am sorry, Gulf baby I am sorry..someone help me please

"Well I knew you would regret everything you did so I sent some of my guards to find him, I had to visit him when they found him to plead on your behalf but his words were bitter, his eyes were filled with hatred for you, he told me to tell you to never come searching for him and his daughter, he actually called you all source of names, he said he regrets marrying you too..I can remember you have said those words to him many times.

He was staying with a young man in his house, they seem really happy together, by now they must have developed a strong bond for each other, he said that he is really happy with his current life and that you should leave him alone, that he has suffered a lot and if you really loved him he hopes you respect his wishes and also finally for you to still go ahead and marry Prince Song but you should make sure he takes care of Gabriel, he said you should move on because he has already moved on..

Maybe if you kill yourself he would forgive you" my mom said and left my chambers.

Should I kill myself like my mother suggested?? Yes I have to kill myself, he will definitely forgive if I do so but what of Gabby? Gulf would have loved me to take care of him, yes I will take care of Gabby and kill myself when he comes of age, I hope him and Gabby can forgive me when I do so..

Could Gulf really have said all these? he, doesn't he love me anymore?? What did I do to deserve all these? My Gulf..my Gulf..I am sorry..I am so sorry..forgive me..forgive me Gulf, Heaven knows I love you so much, I will respect your wishes..I don't deserve you anymore, I really am ashamed of myself, I can't even look into a mirror because I am afraid to see the monster that I have become...please live happily with the new love you have found but I am sorry I will have to disregard one of your wishes..I am not having any Queen apart from you, you're my one and only Queen and I will love you forever. I am really sorry my love.