Just A Bit Closer (Book Two)

In Which The Wall Breaks

{Dean's POV}

There I was, standing in front of my mangled car, kissing an angel, one of my best friends. Cas was gripping the back of my shirt in his fists, as if he was afraid I would slip away.

He pulled away and I caught my breath, but kept my eyes shut. I didn't want to loose that moment just yet.

When I opened my eyes, Cas looked at me like he was expecting me to say something. But my words were all jumbled, my thoughts scattered. So, I just smiled. The corners of my mouth tipped up slightly, that's all I could manage in that slightly dazed state.

And we stood there, his hands in the fabric of my shirt, mine on his sides. We didn't say a word, I was still collecting myself, trying to figure out something to express what just happened.

And then Cas started crying.

Tears filled up his eyes, threatening to spill over. I tensed up, every bad situation running through my head. I heard the radio spasm to a different station, this time a country one. I made a mental not to fix the stupid thing. But, quite frankly, I wasn't too worried about the radio, I was more concerned with the tears streaming down the angel's face.

I picked up Cas's hand and squeezed it. "Cas?"

He shook his head and looked down. I placed my hand under his chin and tilted his head up. "Cas, look at me." When his red rimmed eyes turned to me, my heart broke a little more. "What's wrong?" No answer. "Please. Tell me what's wrong."

He slipped his hand out of mine and wiped his face with the heels. "I screw everything up," he laughed dryly.

"What? No. Cas, no you don't. Don't say that."

"But it's the truth. I mess up everything. And what's sad, is that you don't even know it. Dean, I can't take this anymore. You have this idea of me in your head and it couldn't be further from the truth. I'm a sickness. I'm a disease. And I don't want you to catch it."

"But what if I'm immune?"

He smiled ruefully and shook his head again. "You're not. You were already infected. But guess what? You were cured. I can't put you through that again."

"Cas. What are you talking about? You're making it sound like I already knew you. What happened? I want to know."

He ran his hand over his face, then started to pace. My eyes followed him as he walked a path into the floor. Then, he swung toward me and planted his lips to mine.

And a thousand memories flooded into my mind.

Me and Cas meeting awkwardly at a school. As I turned, a boy in a dark blue sweater and glasses bumped into me, his books toppling out of his arms. "Here, let me get that," I said as I started to pick up his things. My hand touched the cover of a book and I looked up at the boy. "You read The Lord of the Rings?" He nodded. "Cool. My name's Dean Winchester," I said, outstretching my hand. "Ca- Castiel N- Novak," he stuttered.

Me asking him out on a date. I walked over to the boy I'd been talking to for a couple of weeks now. I took a deep breath and tapped him on the shoulder. He turned around and smiled when he saw me. "Dean! Hey." My stomach started to churn and I swallowed. "Cas? Can I ask you something?" He nodded. "Will you go out with me?" A broad grin stretched across his face. "Finally. I thought you would never ask."

Our first date. Cas stood outside the address he gave me. He was wearing a pair of jeans, a white button up, a bright blue tie, and a tan trench coat. He swung the passenger door open and sat down. "Hey," I said, handing him a small boquet of white roses. "You look gorgeous." He blushed bright red and I smiled. "Okay. Ready?" Cas nodded, then looked over what I was wearing. "Where are we going?" I looked at the dress pants and blue and green tie and just grinned. A few minutes later, we pulled into the parking lot of a restaurant. "Dean," Cas gasped, "this is the most expensive restaurant in town. This is too much." "Nothing is too much for you."

Our first kiss. Cas and I walked hand in hand along a beach. "Dean, I love the beach," Cas sighed. The sun was just starting to set and the orange sky reflected in his bright blue eyes. "Beaches are great, but there's something I love better." Cas rolled his eyes. "I don't think there's anything better than the beach, Dean." I shrugged. "Okay," Cas tempted, "what's better than the beach?" I pulled him against me and leaned down so my mouth was right by his ear. "You." I ran my finger across his jaw as I stared him in the eye. And then I pressed my lips against his.

Cas coming to one of my football games. I scanned the crowd for him as I ran onto the field. I smiled when I saw my boyfriend, who was wearing my blue and white jersey. I remembered giving it to him the previous morning. Him running his thumb over the 18 and the Winchester, as if the shirt was the most beautiful thing in existence. "I want you to wear it," I had said, "Tonight." I saw him wave from the bleachers and I raised my hand in a greeting. We won that day.

And so many other random flashes of remembrance. The scent of Cas's cologne. Eating dinner with Anna and Gabriel. Pie. My psychotic dad hitting me. Ice skating. Cas with bed head. Kissing Cas in the rain. Laying on Cas's floor, doing algebra. Our one, two, then three years together. The normalcy of everything.

And then, the last day I saw Cas. The phone calls. The beach. The tears. The angels. The grace. Then, that horrible moment when Cas said, "We all are going home." And I wasn't part of the we. I remembered Cas wiping my memories, making me forget our three years together, my whole life. And turning me into a hunter. It was Cas. It was all Cas. If it wasn't for him, I would be a happy adult, who didn't have the entire world counting on him. I might have been heartbroken for a while, but I would have been normal. But Cas changed it all.

"Cas," I sighed.

He tensed up and I could see the tears had returned. His lower lip started to quiver. "Dean, please don't be mad at me. I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry."

"Cas," I said firmly. "Listen." He pursed his lips and nodded. "I remember everything." A nod. "And I only have one thing to say." A sob and another nod. I stepped toward him and ran my thumb under his eyes, catching his tears. Cas looked up at me, hope and questioning in his eyes.

"I missed you." And I leaned down to kiss his salt stained lips, a reunion eighteen years too late.