Alexandra Weasley: Book 5

39

"I don't know why. Though to be fair, I don't know why I did a lot of the things I did."

"That's alright. What do you know?"

"That I don't want those memories back. I was a lot different five years ago to who I am now. I'm not the same person."

"What makes you say that?" She asked sounding genuinely interested.

"Pardon?"

"You said you're not the same person. Why do you think you feel that way? I see the same person as I did last year. The same voice, the same face. What makes you say you're not the same person?"

"Because I'm not. The person I was was harsh and mean and was friends with people who insulted her family. My friend Hermione says she went through some bad times. I'm the version of me who didn't go missing, who didn't spend a year away from her family doing god knows what. I'm the version of me who still gets along with her siblings and isn't rude to people for no reason and nice to them behind their backs."

"Yes, I can understand that. We all have different levels to ourselves. I don't think there's a single person who could say there's no difference in what kind of person they were five years ago in contrast to what kind of person they are now." Shay nodded. "But feeling a difference or variation in oneself is a different thing to feeling like you're not the same person at all."

"What?"

"Take yourself. Say, how different do you feel to the kind of person that you were ten years ago?"

"Ten years ago? I would have been seven. I don't know. I'm older, more mature. Less prone to tantrums, I guess?"

"But the fundamentals of who you are is still the same?" Alexandra nodded.

"I suppose."

"But if you compare yourself now, or the you from five years ago, to the person you've heard about, you don't see yourself as the same? Fundamentally?"

"I guess not. I don't know. I don't remember any of it. I hear about how I've behaved and I can't reconcile that with how I feel about myself and the sort of person I am. I'm a different person. I don't have those experiences. I don't want to have those experiences." Shay nodded, as though she totally understood. "Hermione says I wasn't a bad person. She says I had bad experiences and that I can't judge who I used to be without knowing who I used to be."

"Have you tried to get to know the person you used to be?"

"What do you mean?"

"What's in your bedroom?"

"My bed, my books."

"Okay, great. What type of books?"

"Magical creatures, runes, muggle and magical alchemy, potions, arithmancy."

"And are those things that interest you?" Alexandra nodded slowly. "What else is in your room? Other than books."

"My broom."

"And do you like quidditch?" Alexandra shook her head.

"I hate the sport, actually."

"Do you like flying?" Alexandra nodded. "Okay, so that's something that hasn't changed."

"Except, I joined the quidditch team at Hogwarts."

"And do you know why?"

"Because Cedric died and I wanted to honour him or something."

"And can you accept that?" Alexandra nodded reluctantly.

"Yeah, I guess."

"Have you resigned from the team?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because- I don't know. I don't even remember a thing about Cedric... but I don't know. Backing out now seems... wrong. I got this far, and we've already won a match."

"So playing quidditch is something you would do, as long as there was a noble reason. What else is in your room?"

"Clothes? I don't know." She shrugged. "My cauldron."

"And what do you think of the cauldron?"

"It's better with potions that require high heat." She grudgingly admitted.

"So, how different of a person are you really?" Alexandra frowned. She glanced at the time.

"I have to get going. My mother will freak out if I'm not back in dad's room in the next four minutes."

"I'll be here for a while, so if you would like to come back, my door is open." Shay said. Alexandra smiled and nodded. "If not, I'll see you next week. Fridays at five?"

"Okay, thank you."

A/N- I've missed Shay 🥺

Favourite line is "I know it's been over a year but I think it might be a personal offence when the girl who can't forget anything forgets you."