Our Struggle

F is for Feeling

"Be nice!" Harper hissed at my previous remark before sipping her tea. I'll never know how she drinks that stuff - it's literally brown water.

"Why?" I mumbled, with a mouth full of buttery toast. "He's an asshole." I swallowed, looking for a dishwasher to put my empty plate in. There wasn't one. I'd have to wash it by hand. Great.

"He's letting us stay here." Harper implored, munching on a spoonful of Cheerios as she read over her notes for university. She was studying dentistry - I'll never know why: dentists are monsters and Harper was anything but.

"We need to go anyways." I sighed, pouring a little too much soap onto the plate as I attempted to wash the plate clean - a blush of embarrassment grew across my plate as I fumbled around with it. I've never wanted my maids more.

I felt Harper's eyes at the back of my head. "What is it?" I turned around, leaning against the counter as I placed the soapy dish onto the drying rack.

"Are you sure about this, Ari?" Harper stood up, re washing my dish. "You need to take some time off. You've been through hell over these few days." She pushed a lock of hair out my face, "honestly, you need to rest and process—"

"I haven't been in for so long anyways," I offered her a meek smile, shrugging my shoulders. "I've processed everything. I swear." The last thing I needed was to stay here all day, thinking about everything - I already do that at night.

Harper's eyes narrowed slightly, weaponising an array of words that told me I should be taking time off. "Ari," she warned, now placing all the dishes down.

"I just need the distraction, Harp." I took a sharp breath in, pushing back the tears as I flipped my mood, "besides, I've been getting the assignments online. McKennedy is on my back." I rolled my eyes, forcing a small smile.

Harper scanned over my facial expressions, not at all convinced. "This isn't healthy," she cocked her naturally perfect eyebrow up, now drying her hands.  "you're running away from all this."

"All what?" I questioned innocently, suppressing a small smile.

Harper let out a sharp exhale as she shook her head, her golden French braids moving too. "Your father just died and you're acting like nothing has happened. Not to mention, your idiot boyfriend also threw you out. Now I could use more adult language to describe him but I ain't going to hell for that man."

To say that Harper's words stung was the understatement of the century - they tore me to pieces. Not because she said them, but because they were true.

"What do you want me to do, Harper?" I shot back, "cry? News flash, I do that already. Every freaking night." I let out a heartless chuckle, "what's the point? He's dead. Yeah, my father's dead. He got what he f****** deserved."

Harper stared back at me as I continued. "In fact, he got off lightly. You think he deserved to be shot?" My eyes narrowed into slits, "he should have been tortured then burned alive." It was as if Harper had unlocked something within me, "that man was no father to me. He took so much. The things he said to me," my voice wobbled as my throat tightened,"the things he did," I paused, "what's there to mourn about." I whispered, even though every cell within my body was mourning - mourning for the father I never had, the boyfriend that I did have.

Harper chewed on her lip, "this isn't coping, babe." She finally spoke after my words had marinated for some time. She turned around to face my fully as we both leaned against the kitchen counter. "Sweeping everything under the rug and hoping you don't trip, isn't gonna work." Her eyes searched mine, "I'm glad you finally opened up, I'm so freaking glad. Everything you just said," Harper shrugged, "is so warranted, because they both treated you like absolute trash." Her eyes held a type of determination that could move mountains, "Like, don't you think I wish I could have stopped it all? Ari, your father took your mother's life, my sister."