Chasing you | ✓

Chapter 39 - Good enough

Jack shrugged. "I know I probably shouldn't want to know, right? I mean—after everything I read about their past I guess that I should feel like I'm better off without them? But a part of me can't help but to wonder about who they are now, where they are, and if they've changed. I have to know if there's a chance I'll ever see them again."

"I get it."

"Did Cade..." Jack cleared his throat. "Did he ever wonder about them?"

I shook my head. 

"No, he didn't even know about them." I frowned. "I mean, he must have known he was adopted since he found you. But he never told me anything about that, remember? You know more than I do."

"Oh." The flush on Jack's neck deepened. "That's right. I forgot."

The absurdity made me want to roll my eyes. Maybe he had already moved on from the mess we were in, but I hadn't. I was stuck in the middle of it. There were still so many questions I had no answer to.

A silence stretched out between us. Jack watched me with those deep, blue eyes.

I cleared my throat. "If that was all..."

I shook the stiffness out of my legs, turning back to the mirror.

"Actually," he said. "I wanted to check if you wanted to do some more practicing on the routine. I'm done for the day and I still haven't danced off my triple espresso from this morning."

"I can't right now," I interjected. "I have to practice ballet."

Jack nodded.

"It's just that there's not a lot of time left now, and we should probably practice as much as possible while we can. I'm still not convinced you won't chop my head off with the neck wrap."

The words were followed by a careful smile, but I couldn't bring myself to return it. His words only added on to the annoyance I was feeling. 

"I know that," I said. "But I have to keep practicing ballet."

"Okay. I just thought—"

"Not now, okay?" I drew a breath to calm myself. "I don't have time right now."

I walked back over the floor to the starting position. 

"I get it. Another day it is." 

Jack grabbed the strap of his bag but made no attempt to move. I didn't know what he was waiting for, but he was in my way.

"What about tomorrow?" he asked. "What's your schedule? I've got a free period between—"

"Just leave me alone! Can't you tell I'm busy?"

Jack flinched. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to—"

"No, I'm sorry." I ran a hand over my forehead. "I just can't get these moves right and it's frustrating me like crazy."

"Dancing is tricky at times," he agreed. "You'll get there, you just need more practice."

A strange chuckle escaped from my lips. The hollow sound echoed across the room.

"Oh yeah? I just need to practice? That's it? Wow, thanks for explaining that to me. I should really try that."

"Allie..."

"What if I'm just not good enough?" I continued. "Maybe that's just who I am. I'm never good enough, so why should ballet be an exception? I'm not even good enough for you."

Jack frowned. "What are you talking about?"

"In your room, the first time we made out." 

Jack stared at me, completely clueless and waiting for me to continue.

"You pushed me away and told me I wasn't good enough for you."

Jack dropped his bag again and walked across the room to close the space between us. 

"Allie," he said quietly, "I've never thought that you weren't good enough."

I shook my head but he kept talking before I could protest.

"I don't remember exactly what I said, but I know I freaked out. It was because—despite everything I'd tried telling myself over the summer—I realized I wasn't over you. You suddenly being there and wanting me too... it was just too much. All those feelings came rushing back but at the same time I knew you were only looking at me like that because of Cade."

I shook my head, trying to make sense of the thoughts swirling in my head.

"That's not true. You were going to kiss me again the other day but you changed your mind."

"Of course I did!" he exclaimed. "I felt like there was a vibe but I figured you were still mad at me. I didn't want to give you the chance to reject me."

"But... no."

Jack smiled, but it looked more like a grimace. His eyes dropped downward, stopping at my necklace—a tiny golden heart on a delicate chain.

"Face it, Allie. You're more than enough for me. I'm the one that's never been enough for you."

"That's not true."

"No? So you didn't spend weeks trying to get close to me because you missed Cade? And you never wished that I could have been him?"

I opened my mouth to protest, but I stopped myself. He was right, in a way. But was that so crazy? Cade had been my best friend and here was a guy who looked just like him. Of course I'd want to get to know more about that.

Why were we even talking about this now? I didn't understand what had brought this on. Had Jack felt this way this whole time? If he had—how had I never caught on? 

Before I could form a reply, Jack started nodding. He brushed against my shoulder as he turned around to leave.

"That's what I thought," he whispered.

~ ~ ~

A/N

Oh, boy. What can I say, these characters just love the drama 🤷🏻‍♀️ But I feel like this is enough angst for a while, don't you agree? The next one is going to be more of a fun one. Without giving any spoilers away, I can reveal that it will include Jack and Allie in a secret room... Any guesses? ;)

Vote if you're looking forward to it!

—xoxo, linnea