TWO ALPHAS, ONE MATE

GOODBYE| 21

My voice began to get loud. I find myself using hand gestures.

I keep going, "it's just too much for me. I'm not a piece of cake and neither are y'all. I can't have both of you. It's not right. It's not fair to either of you. Since I have these strong feelings for both of you guys, I will not act on them. Give me my space and let me be. Better yet, let me move on and leave your world. I don't belong here and never have. I'll go back home."

I recall the words my reflection said in my dream. She said I will not have them both for long, that I cannot save them both.

What if I lead them to another fight, a more serious one? I can't risk it.

Joshua scoffs, "yeah... that's not going to happen. You are mine. Did you forget about our love session? I can make you relieve what we felt back there. I am not letting you go."

Joshua seems less sadistic. I can sense him, the urgency in his words. I know he does not want to let me go, that he means it.

Perhaps, I should choose Joshua.

I am wearing his mark, and for some reason I allowed him to have all of me first.

It wasn't a mistake. I wanted 'it' at the moment. I just need to stop stringing Ethan along the way. It wasn't meant to be back when we were kids, and it's not meant to be now.

I look at Ethan. I know what must be said.

I start, "Ethan, I have hurt you enough and embarrassed you in front of your pack. Despite Joshua biting me unwillingly at first, I allowed him to sink his teeth in me again. This time with my approval. I know what I feel towards you, but maybe with time we can forget each other."

I can see Joshua try to fight a smile. I feel his happiness radiate through me. This new connection we have is overwhelming. Ethan moves from my side, pacing.

I try to look into his eyes and notice them getting darker. Joshua senses the change in Ethan's demeanor, tensing up. I see Joshua get in a protective stance to ensure no harm gets to me.

I tap Joshua in the shoulder.

"It's okay. He won't hurt me," I assure Joshua.

I know what I must do. I must bring Ethan back. Moving my feet to the edge of the bed, I see Joshua trying to hold me back, but I waive his hand away.

I slowly apply pressure on my feet. I feel woozy at first but get the hang of it. I take a few steps forward toward Ethan. Ethan stops pacing and looks at me. I am a few steps away from him. His chest is rising and falling.

With the deepest and harshest voice, I have ever heard come from Ethan, he says, "that's bullshit Lilly. You have two mates. Two, not one. I don't like it either but that's the reality. You can't just dismiss me because Joshua sunk his teeth into you first."

Ethan usually never talks to me like this. The last time he was this aggressive was when he first found me, and thought I was a werewolf who chose another person over him.

He takes a few steps closer to me. There are only a couple inches between us.

"If his mark is what is leading you to this decision, then I think we should level the playing field."

I question, "level the playing field? What are you talking...."

I am stop mid-sentence by Ethan. He quickly came up to me and pulls me in. I see a possessive look in his eyes. He never had looked at me like this before. Then, it dawns on me the meaning behind his words.

I try to wiggle myself out his grip.

I beg, "Ethan, stop...don't... please."

Joshua picks up on Ethan's intentions and came our way. But Ethan does not give him enough time to act. In one swift motion, he holds me tight against his chest.