rooftops

chapter 41 ~ nerves

Tommy stands up on the couch placed across the room, one hand on his heart, the other placed dramatically on his forehead.

"You mean the utmost world to me, id quite literally die for you!" Tommy preaches, trying to be fancy with his words.

I pick up the pillow Tommy had been playing with and punt it across the room and him, watching it smack against his side.

His stupid act is showing zero signs of being let down, so I let him continue on with his poetic words as I turn to Wilbur.

But he already knows what im going to ask, speaking before I can even question him.

"Its mostly just his name, sometimes youll mumble stuff after but we can never make it out" he tells me with a small, sympathetic smile.

I nod at him, trying to tune Tommy out.

I know ive been dreaming about him

Its the same dream on repeat, every single night.

It starts in a black void, with nothing surrounding me, not a sound to be heard.

And then he shows up, and the void is filled with colour, the void is filled with his presence.

Im no longer left alone because I know hes here with me.

His hands would slowly caress my face, his arms tightening around me at every single chance he got.

He would whisper things to me, simple compliments and comments that would make me feel like i'm floating.

The Dream makes me feel like i'm on some sort of high, like i'm taking a drug thats blocking out the rest of the world.

I want to see him, every night I pray he'll make an actual appearance in my head, but so far all i'm left with is this distant memory of his touch.

I continue to yearn for the dream each night I go to sleep, its become something I look forward to now.

Sure I can never see him, but I can feel him.

Im not complaining about the repeated dream, no, thats not the case.

How could I complain about something thats been my only source of feeling safe in months? My only source of warmth?

I find comfort in the void.

The void where its just me and him.

"So" Wilbur starts, still staring at me, "if hes still in your head so much that you can dream about him, why dont we call an-"

"Ive told you before that im still not sure about that" I interrupt, turning away from him.

"When are you going to be sure then?" he whispers, trying to keep our conversation away from the ears of Tommy and Tubbo.

I dont know how to answer his question, and now its starting to get to me.

When am I going to be sure?

"You have a problem, I have a resolution, I dont see the issue" Wilbur states. I can feel his eyes burning into the side of my head.

I let his words settle in my mind, trying to see his point of view.

Maybe hes right, maybe he does have the answer to my problems.

Its just one phone call, one small phone call to see if I still mean as much to him as he does to me.

And if its the phone call that can save us, is it really that terrible that its slightly invading his privacy?

I dont think so.