Black Waters (Frank Ocean Love Story)

Chapter 十

We were both 19 when we met, just about to go to college. Well, he was about to go to college. I had already obtained a comfortable position in the music world, posting my songs on my blogs for the whole world to hear and love. I wasn’t famous, but well-known.

Forrest had a girlfriend at the time…I remember her clearly. She was really nice. We all used to go to dinner, drink champagne, buy the restaurant’s bottles and then come home and drink some more. I laughed at the thought of Forrest getting too drunk at one point, and his girlfriend, Mia and I had to hold him over the toilet for him to throw up.

But that wasn’t the most significant night with Forrest, Mia and I. The one I remember most was the worst. We hadn’t gone to dinner, but Mia sent Forrest out to buy a few bottles of wine and other things for our house. When Forrest was gone, I left Mia upstairs to go out in the yard.

“Mia, I’ll be back. I need to work on the car.” I say to her. She’s soaking her feet in a bucket of scolding hot water mixed with salt, which she read online was a good technique to prevent foot odor.

“Okay Chris. You go work on your baby.” She says, laughing. She’s right. That Town car is like my baby. It doesn’t even need to be worked on; I just want to make sure everything is intact.

I slip on some mud boots and head downstairs and outside. I can feel the cold air biting at every part of my body that isn’t protected by a two-layer jacket and long johns. The slick, black Town car is sitting still out on the backyard’s vast grass. I run over to it, worried that it’s cold and alone out here.

The car definitely is cold, colder than me. I unlock it and pop the hood from the inside. I close the door and walk over to the front of the car, examining under the hood. The engine looks fine, thankfully. There’s some stray Antifreeze around the underside of the engine though. Since there is nothing really wrong with the car, I decide to waste my time by cleaning it up.

Then I feel a hard punch in my back. I turn around to see Forrest laughing, cold air escaping his mouth. I reach out to punch him back but he swerves my arm, so I end up chasing him around the backyard. Eventually, I catch him, and punch him right where he hit me.

“That sh-t hurt.” He says, laughing.

“Now you know how it feels. Where’s the wine?” I ask him.

“The local store is closed. I came back so you could drive me to a further store. I’m sure they have it.” He replies. I agree; I might as well, since I’m bored and I don’t want to watch Mia get rid of her foot odor.

After I put the hood down, we both hop in the car, me in the driver’s seat. I start the car but leave it in its place so it could warm up. The radio is on some redneck station, but I’m too lazy to look for something else.

“You have any of your own music?” Forrest asks me. I nod.

“In that compartment right there.” I say, pointing to the one next to my elbow. He tries to open it, but it’s tough. I reach over and help him, bringing the lid up along with him.

“Thanks.” He says, searching through the CD’s. I don’t answer him. My mind is still on what happened just now…my hand brushed against his for a few seconds when I helped him open the compartment. Why did that matter to me?

“Oh yeah, this is my sh-t.” Forrest says, pulling out a James Brown disc and putting it in. “I think the car’s warm enough now, Chris. Let’s go.”

I start the car and head out in search of liquor.

I don’t remember the rest of that night, but I know that between that night and the night after, I developed feelings for him. I didn’t want to. It’s hard to accept such an absurd thing as…a sexuality change. I thought I was going crazy, but I couldn’t ignore it. I had to tell somebody, quick. And the only person I thought I could trust enough to tell was…Forrest.

That night was almost exactly identical to the night I drove him to get the wine. Mia was soaking her feet and I was thinking about going to check on the car. The only thing that was different was that Forrest wasn’t out looking for wine. We were all in the house relaxing.

“Forrest, can you come with me outside?” I ask him. Mia doesn’t look up at either of us.

“Sure. Mia, I’ll be right back to help you examine your feet. I’m going out with Chris.” Forrest says to Mia, chuckling. She nods and we leave, making our way to my car.

Another thing that was different about that night was that the Town car was in the shop for the Antifreeze problem.  That night I had a different car, a Nissan Maxima. It was always really hot inside that car, I remember…

We get in the car and I turn on the CD player, which has the same James Brown disc he likes. He starts dancing in his seat and I chuckle softly, trying to avoid the hard thumping of my heart…my heart that longs for him.

“So what did you want to talk about?” Forrest asks after a few moments. I repeat that question to myself a few times. What is it that I want to talk about? What is it, really? I don’t know how to identify this feeling.

I say whatever I can. I start telling him about life, and how people change. Then I started telling him about me and my past relationships, and him and his past relationships. Finally, I get to that night’s incident. I tell him how he looked, how the moonlight was shining perfectly onto his face. And I tell him how I feel. How…how I love him.

I’m sure he could’ve predicted what I wanted to tell him halfway into the conversation. But when I finally get the words out, I can’t help but cry hysterically. I just cry and cry, letting the tears have their way. For all I care, I could cry a river that carried Forrest and I far, far away. Away from this judgmental world, away from my fears and expectations. Away.

He holds me while I cry, and then I know for sure that I made the right decision. He feels the same way. He loves me too.

Then he starts talking…come to find out, he doesn’t. This is unrequited love.

I can feel it. Forrest is here, physically. He wants to find me.