Chapter Fifteen

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I woke up earlier than usual for some reason. It was 7:46am and I usually slept in until 9. I suppose this was a sign that I should go to Stan's bar mitzvah after all.

I got dressed into a simple grey dress and headed to the synagogue.

Luckily, my dad and Henry were still asleep, so I was able to sneak past them with no problem.

When I arrived at the synagogue, I instantly met up with Richie who was about to head inside. He welcomed me with open arms and we headed inside together.

"Someone cleans up nicely" I complemented. He wore a nice suit and finally combed through that messy hair of his.

"Why thank you, Miss. Bowers" he teased. "And might I say, you don't look too bad yourself" he said with a weird accent. I lightly nudged him after that.

We took our seats together as the ceremony began.

-

After he spoke in Hebrew, like he had been practicing, he started his speech. He still hadn't taken notice to the fact that I was there, but I couldn't blame him. He had been talking about how nervous he was for this ceremony for weeks before our fight.

I was happy to see Stan. I'm glad I came.

"Reflecting on the meaning of what I just read, the word, לְשֵׁם שִׁנּוּי (idk if this is even right, I just searched 'to change' in Hebrew. Sorry), comes up a lot which means, um, to change, to transform. Which makes sense, I guess because today I'm supposed to become a man. It's funny though, everyone, I think, has some memories they're prouder of than others, right? And maybe that's why change is so scary. 'Cause the things we wish we could leave behind, the whispers we wish we could silence, the nightmares we most want to wake up from, the memories we wish we could change, the secrets we feel like we have to keep, are the hardest to walk away from." Stan began to stay.

Richie slightly moved around when Stan mentioned 'secrets'. I guess he was feeling a bit uneasy about his feelings for Eddie and how much he wanted to tell him. I held his hand for a moment to comfort him.

He flashed me a thankful smile.

"The good stuff, the pictures in our mind that fade away the fastest, those pieces of you feels the easiest to lose." Stan continued to say. He finally spotted me in the crowd. For a moment it felt like we were the only two in the room as we looked into each other's eyes. No matter how much he hurt me, I couldn't deny the fact that I still loved him. He started to speak up again once he was snapped back to reality. "Maybe I don't want to forget. Maybe i-if that's what today is all about, forget it, right?"

"Thank you Stanley" his father began to say as he tried to take the mic back. Stanley just kept going though as he walked away from his father.

"Uh, um, today I'm supposed to become a man, but I don't feel any different, I-I know I'm a loser and no matter what? I alway fucking will be" he said confidently as he walked out of the room.

Everyone around us was in shock and gasped while Richie and I slowly sat up and began to applaud him for his wise words.

-

Since Stanley left the synagogue, no had seen him. We all just assumed he went home, but I knew he wasn't at home.

I said my goodbyes to Richie and headed back to the park.

I was not shocked to find Stanley sitting in our usual spot, looking at birds.

I walked over to him and finally got his attention.

"Y/n" he said as he stood up and ran over to me.

"Hi, Stan" is said.

"Y/n, I am so sorry. I can't expect you to forgive me, but just know I never gave up on you" he choked.

I too began to feel my emotions rolling in.

"You wanna tell me where you got that black eye from, now?" I asked as I wiped away a few tears.

"The first night you didn't come home, I went to your house to look for you. The only person I found was Henry and, well, you can figure the rest out." He explained.

"Stan" I sighed as I wrapped my arms around him.

"I then figured out that you were with Richie"

Shit.

"Stan, I-I'm so sorry" I cried.

"No, don't be. It's my fault. If I had just told them the truth, we wouldn't be in this position. Fuck" he said as he turned away from me to hide his emotion filled face.

I quickly ran to the other side of him to meet his gaze once again.

"I think we can both admit we're both a little fucked up" I said to try and bring laughter into the conversation.

He let out a small laugh.

"I don't deserve you, y/n" he sniffled.

"Stan, don't say that."

He sat back down and pulled his knees into his chest. Not saying a word.

"Stan, it's you, it's always been you" I explained as I sat down next to him. "You said it yourself, 'If I loved you any less-"

"'I might be able to walk about it more'" he finished. "Y/n, I love you"

"I love you, Stanley"

We quickly connected our lips for what felt like the first time in forever. I missed Stan more than anything and did not plan on losing him again. I knew he loved me so much that he couldn't even vocalize the extent of his love.

We loved each other more than words could express. I just wish I could have realized that sooner.

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