Everything To Lose

Chapter 1

She turned the key in the lock of their apartment and closed the door behind her, immediately looking towards the kitchen to check if her partner was home.

"Clarke? Babe, are you home?' she called out

No answer. She sighed. Until 2 weeks ago, it was a common sight to come home after a hard day at work, to find Clarke prepping up some new recipe she learned or simply sitting on the couch with her guitar playing some tunes to herself, or reading a book, something even the door opening wouldn't distract her from.

Lexa hung her coat in the closet and walked in towards the kitchen island. She got herself a glass of water and texted Raven while sipping on it.

"Hey Raven, I'm sorry to bother you at this hour, but is Clarke with you?"

"Hi, Lexa. It's no problem. Umm... no, Clarke isn't with me. What's up?"

Lexa felt embarrassed. She's supposed to know these things. It's supposed to be a thing between her and Clarke. But Clarke's been acting different off late. Very different. Distant would be a better word. Lexa looked around the room once more, then finally pulled up Clarke's name on speed dial and called her.

It rang and it rang. But she didn't pick.

She quickly texted Raven.
"Umm... nothing was just checking. I'm sure she's with Murphy and the gang."

To which Raven quickly replied
"Alright. Hey, let me know if you need me okay? And please, tell me once she's home too."

"Thanks Rae"

Under normal circumstances, Lexa would panic. Like she did the first day this happened. But 2 weeks in now, and she's picked up a pattern. It was 11pm now. Clarke should be home in an hour or two. Her friends will drop her off. At least Lexa hoped so. She wiped her face down in frustration, took a long breath and made her way upstairs to their bedroom. She needed a quick shower.

Clarke's always been more social than her. Her job allowed it too. She was an extrovert by nature. Always meeting new people because her creativity and her love for the arts demanded it sometimes. Lexa however preferred fewer social occasions. Being a lawyer by profession, she inevitably has to speak out and confidently before a lot of people. And she was damn good at it too. It was one of the things Clarke loved so much about her.

Clarke was always the one pushing her to come to parties with her. Not that she didn't enjoy it. She did. Especially when Clarke got all buzzed with just a few beers and would get all clingy and affectionate. Lexa loved those nights.

But alcohol was beginning to become more of an enemy to their relationship. And Lexa couldn't get it off her mind while she showered. What was tonight's argument going to be about? What harsh things would they say to each other today? Is one of them going to end up sleeping on the couch again? The past two weeks have been stressful and Lexa could not understand why Clarke had changed, or rather what had changed between them.

Add to that all the new clients she's been allocated at work. With appraisal season just around the corner and her eyes on that big promotion, she was trying her best to give her everything to her work and still be here for Clarke, whatever it is she's going through, whatever it is that's making her think she needs to get shit-faced drunk every night.

As hot water ran down her naked body, she closed her eyes and tried to focus on happier times. Sure they'd had bad days before too. Really bad days, they were a couple. Since high school. They've had their fair share of fights, break-ups and make ups, they'd cried together, made love together, grown up together and now, they'd been living together for 2 years. It's got to mean something right? Right? Lexa had every intention of spending the rest of her life with Clarke. She was going to pop the question sometime soon in the future. They had already discussed kids. Hell, if that doesn't hint at permanency, then what does? She tried to slow her thoughts down and focus on the water caressing her skin and less on the tears beginning to brim.