MICROWAVE-eng

✕ LiStLeSs GiRl

I wish it could hurt differently. 

 You know, it's not that bad to sink into despair. I mean, you feel alive, you feel your heart squeezing in your chest, your brain's knocking on your frontal bone like a creepy junkie, and that's a relief. 

But when there's nothing in your chest, nothing in your head, then you ask the Heavens if you're dead or what. Having no feelings doesn't harm, and that hurts even more that way. Am I a monster? a rock? a cadaveric walking dead? 

What you say makes no sense.  You blame the world for being so boring and melodramatic, but after realizing that you're just a pathetic fool turning in concentric circles, you see the truth: you are the boring and melodramatic shit in here. 

You're the one to blame.

And then your gaze lost itself in the great Nothingness of your soul. And you try to sham some tears just in case God is watching you. And you fail. You fail and all your failures since your birth slap you in the face like a hundred epileptic waves in an ocean of shame. 

This ocean. you know it so well now. Angels are crying and making fun of your sad expression. And no tears at all from you. It becomes a habit.

And the world spins like a crazy top. You're not in the eye of the cyclone. It's voluntary. And you open the window as your bad vibes suffocate the room. The wind blows on your tired face and extirpates a tear to your left eye. 

At least, you think, I have some water in my body. 

Other people tell you their own problems. Do other people have problems? Do other people exist anyway? 

Bullshit bullshit bullshit. They're too talkative. That eats your energy. You feel nothing of their emotion. Sadness? No pity. Joy? No happiness. Anxiety? I don't care about your life, bro. Go and take a psychologist.

Maybe you need a psychologist too? Maybe you're defective, broken, not human anymore. 

No. You're human. You're normal. Let's fake emotional things. Something's funny? Hahaha so hilarious. Something's dramatic? Oh my gosh, that's terrible. 

I'm normal. 

I'm normal. 

I'm fucking normal. 

No one can be more normal than me.