Immortals | ✓

01 | aethera

━━ αθάνατοι ━━

FOR as long as I can remember, I have been mesmerized by lakes and oceans; mesmerized by the expanse of it, by the sheer colours that dance on their surface; by their might.

I was eight years old when the orphanage took us for a picnic in another town; there was a lake right beside where our bus had parked itself. We weren't supposed to go anywhere near the gigantic water body, we were too young and too many in number to be handled by the caretakers, but I had slipped away.

In the chaos of keeping enthusiastically charged kids away, they forgot to keep their attention on the quiet one. I had sneaked past them; no one had seemed to even realize that for a split second. I could hear them shouting, crying, and laughing in the background; a muffled mix of voices as they sounded to my ears after a few seconds because I had found something else, something else that stole the attention of all my senses within moments.

There, in the distance, was the most beautiful thing I had ever laid my eyes on. I wasn't someone allowed to explore the world, so, somehow, this seemed to be the most enchanting memory I had gotten to keep.

It was a sunny, but breezy day. But somehow, at that very moment, the breeze slowed down, replaced by a zephyr. The ripples slowed their motions and it was then that just below the sublime mountains I saw the lake, stretched as far as my eyes could see; glistening in all its glory.

The day I turned ten, a hefty donation was made to the orphanage and Ms Rayworth planned a trip a little farther away this time. A few days later, I saw the ocean for the first time. That was the first day I had thanked God; willingly, and while not sitting for morning prayers in the orphanage's church.

That was almost eight years ago, but the day my feet touched the sand for the first time, was imprinted in my mind. That was also the day I learned to fear and love the ocean.

When we arrived, it was azure, emitting a summer vibe like no other place but by the time we had left, it was a roaring grey; angry at the sky. I could hear the waves even after we drove away. They seemed to crash in my dreams for days and weeks that passed. For years, I wouldn't forget that memory, for years, I would wish to visit the same old beach town again and again; hoping every year that Ms Rayworth missed it as much as I did.

When I turned twelve, I got permission to learn to swim in the community pool near our orphanage. We had odd hours, and if we needed to learn, we had to wait till eight in the evening; but the wait was worth it, until the day they asked me to jump from a six-meter dive board.

I couldn't.

That was the day I realized how much I loathed and feared heights. How even my love for water wasn't enough to make me jump from that board.

But I did jump.

Against my will; by a brutal, unwanted push from Billy James, the most notorious boy in the orphanage. He was waiting for me to jump so that he could show off to others, hence, he had pushed me. And for those few milliseconds that I fell, I could imagine nothing worse.

I couldn't move past that memory for years.

It became the star of my nightmares and even to date, I stay still for hours in the warmth of my bed when I am shocked by the same nightmare. Something about falling into the water from a height makes me sick. It makes me stay awake for hours at stretch.

As I lay in my bed, reliving the moment, again and again, I want to stop. I want nothing more than to stop. I don't want to remember how I fell in my nightmare, and how for that split second when I woke up, I felt I was still falling, right through the bed. I can't scream, and I can't breathe when I wake up from such nightmares. So I stayed in my bed until I no more could.