Love thy Enemies

The Negativity

"Kyna, did you hear me?" My eyes snapped up to meet his purple undertone ones. They way they'd darken when he set his eyes on me. The way they'd always pierce through my fragile soul. The way they'd light up when I came underneath him. The way they'd shine when we went on those fake dates as he easily lied to me telling me a sweet nothing about how much he loved me in front of the rich and socialite elites. I watched him patiently. I was always waiting for him to tell me he was just joking, because that's all this ever was to him. A joke. I nodded, not only because I'm obligated to agree with him, but because I understood right then and there that I wasn't going to get the harsh jarring I wanted. I try to escape his embrace but his arms are secured tightly around me.

"Sir, can you release me please."

"I could, but what fun would that be." His words send a shiver down my spine. My skin tingles when he touches me, something I never felt with anyone else. Not ever since my first love. His lips grazed gently on my neck. I sighed softly as I touched his bulging biceps. Jack Atlas. This has to stop, I'm losing my mind here. I should hate this. I should hate him. I should hate everything this man is, everything he does to me but that's the problem. I can't even find a shred of hatred within me to pity him. He's got everything the world has to offer on the drop of a hat. Me included. So why don't I hate him. I knew in New York city we'd be meeting with his family. His mother loves me. His whole family does, but he doesn't. His father tried to assault me when we went there for the first time, but that's not how Jack saw it. He got mad at me. Jack took me to his house and fucked me like a ragdoll. When he was done with me he told me to get my shit and leave, the uber would be outside. I slowly slipped on my clothes. The pain of how he was gripping me, pounding into me, he didn't stop even when I begged him to. Instead he started becoming rougher. He was deliberately hitting my cervix. Tears were streaming down my face as he continued his assault on me. It started as consent but it didn't end that way. I wobbled down the massive staircase from the third floor. My heels in my hands as I was moving slowly, shaking. I got into the Uber and the driver took me to my apartment. When I reached there I opened the door and he sat there inside. I thought I'd cried enough when he was above me, taking my dignity away from me. Those who don't die but refuse to live will forever exist. He came up to me and I crumbled before him. I should have screamed and done something, instead I allowed him to apologise. He promised he'd take things slowly so he could make things right and I agreed. Love's gonna be the end of me.

"Kyna?"

"I've changed my mind."

"Baby?"

"I decline your offer." I say shoving him off me. I turn to walk out of the office when he grabs my hand.

"What?"

"I'm done with this Jack."

"Why are you doing this?" The concern in his voice doesn't sound right.

"I should have had you arrested for what you'd done to me!" I scream, my voice hitting an octave higher than normal as tears sting in my eyes. I'm trying so hard to keep calm, but I've found my reason to hate him. Jack Atlas. He's the reason.

"Kyna, there's a thousand miles between us now-"

"Gee, I wonder why!" Yanking my arm out of his hold before opening the door and slamming the door shut as I left his office.

"Kyna get back here!" He yells at me as he follows me to my office. I begin frantically packing my stuff. I've put up with enough of this man for my own good. I'm going to lose my mind if I stay here any longer, in this building as I watch he uses this new girl to 'heal' himself and 'validate' his feelings for me. So I concluded, if every time he needs to validate me, he's going to cheat on me and justify it all as "healing" or "finding clarity", then I have no place in his life. Unfortunately for him, I've got all the clarity I'll need for eons to come. I don't need this. I don't need Jack. Just because I love him it doesn't mean I'm obligated to stay here with him. Loving someone doesn't mean it's always going to work out, and when it doesn't work out it doesn't mean you never loved them or you never loved them enough. Not everything is meant to be. I took my stuff and headed to my car.

"Kyna, baby. Please stop." He begged grabbing my hand. I stop rolling the little office wheelie box and look forward.

"Jack, don't make this any harder than it has to be." I breathe out.

"I'll stop. I'll let her go, if that'll make you stay." He pleads and it made me snap my head around to stare him dead in the eyes. His body slightly jerked back and stiffened at the unfiltered rage in my eyes.

"You don't get it do you? If you loved me, the way you said you did , the way you promised me that you would, then we wouldn't be here. You wouldn't have hurt me the way you have two weeks ago. You wouldn't have accused me of being a whore when your own father thought of me as an escort. You wouldn't have dragged me all over the world without my consent, just to parade me as a trophy as to get over your ex, you wouldn't have used me to solidify to her that it's over between you two. You would have been honest and transparent with me, because that's all I ever wanted from you. Transparency, but you couldn't give that to me. You gave me all the material things this world has to offer and the one thing I asked you for, you couldn't."

"Baby-"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP, I'M NOT FINISHED! If you really loved me Jack Nathaniel Atlas, there wouldn't be another girl. You wouldn't need to use other girls to clarify and validate that your feelings for me. You know they're real and not a figment of our imagination, and if you could stop denying it, we could have been so much better off. If you really, honestly and wholeheartedly loved me Jack, we wouldn't be right here, in this position. So let me leave Jack. Go validate your feelings, go find all the clarity in the world between anothers' legs but don't even think about coming around back for me because I'm done Jack Atlas, I'm done with you now and forever!"

"I'm sorry but I can't let you leave me!" He says standing in front of me, holding my arms in his hands. The memory of his hands on me sickens me that tears well up in my eyes.

"Jack let me go!" I'm fighting back tears. He's seen enough of me crying for a lifetime.

"No!"

"I am not dealing with another fucked up man again."

"Baby let me right my wrongs."

"But you can't because sex does not make everything better!"

"Baby, I shouldn't have put you through all of that. I shouldn't have taken your past and threw it all back in your face tenfold."

"You're right! I deserve so much better than the bullshit you've been putting me through all this time."

"Then let me be better for you. Let's cut out the negativity-"

"YOU ARE THE NEGATIVITY JACK!!"

He stiffens. His eyes searching mine for some sort of hope that I'm lying. I'm just throwing a fit because I'm jealous. Of which I'd never admit out loud but yes I was jealous of her. I take the moment to move past him and load the cart into my car before I start the car and drive off. When I get home I will email the company my resignation with no two week notice and I'm leaving Joburg for a New Orleans beach house. I book my plane ticket and I begin packing everything I need. I'm starting over completely. My plane leaves in five days. I've got five days to get rid of everything that is in my apartment. The next day I take my stuff to an auction. Selling as much of what I can't take with me.  I've been loyal to a fault and now I'm going to rectify that and start a life for me. A life where I make my own choices and find my own happiness.

A life outside of Jack Atlas.