TORMENT

masquerade.

I can't even bear to look at Malfoy and Montgomery. They have explained nothing to me, they've been keeping their distance since it happened.

And you know what, Ann?

Fuck them.

Fucking fuck them.

I'm glad I don't have to see their fucking traitor faces on a daily basis.

Sorry.

I can barely think in class. Always wondering where on earth Mattheo's gone to? I saw him once, first day of school. He looked gaunt. His eye bags were protruding and any emotion he had left in him had disappeared.

He didn't look at me, said nothing. Writing to Bob as usual.

I never saw him again after that, I don't know what to think of him.

I've thought about moving on, but it's fucking impossible.

Every time I try to talk to another boy, I see him. I mean, not physically in front of me. It's just he's somehow there, reassuring me he loves me and that all of this will be over soon.

It's been months, and nothing has changed.

I have a feeling nothing is ever going to go back to normal. I can barely even remember what normal is... was.

I actually saw Malfoy yesterday. He was running down the corridors and seemed to be going somewhere. I thought little of it but Merlin; I bet it's bad.

He and Montgomery are together all the time.

Timmy broke up with her when I told him what happened, and I think she's dating Malfoy now.

Guess working for the Dark Lord has brought them together. How wholesome, how sweet.

Ann, love, I really hope you understand sarcasm.

Moving on, Audenzia has a really large bump now. The baby is coming in two months ish. It's a girl. They're going to call her Athena. Zia says it's her grandma's name. I'm still confused about her family.

Still confused about her as a whole.

Xav has a girlfriend. He's dating Luna Lovegood, they're a pretty interesting pair. They're inseparable. Both extremely clingy, but they're really cute together.

He misses Léon a lot and I think his clinginess to Luna has something to do with that.

Blaise and Bella have slowly been falling apart. Long term hasn't been working for them, and they've broken it off. Blaise had a breakdown and was cooped up in his room for about a week.

All three of us are finding it hard to move on.

Especially me.

Maybe we were never meant to be.

That's stupid. We're soulmates. He was lying.

Merlin, do those words keep going through my head. Sometimes I believe them.

"It was all a lie... I never loved you."

I need to talk to him.

But I can't.

I can't risk it.

I don't even know where he is.

He's never in class, never at meals, never in his dorm. Blaise said he saw him in the corridors a couple of days ago. He barely recognised him.