Trust

I've been California dreamin'

I had no idea what to expect the next day. I spent half of that Saturday in purple haze, with a stupid smile on my face, thinking about the fact that Nick Jonas kissed me last night, that he left his wife, that we weren't cheating anymore. The other half of the day went by worrying about the night. What was going to happen? Was he coming over to finally do what we wanted to do since the first time we met? Was he just coming to talk? What...?

When at seven, my doorbell rand, I was in a frenzy. Even though I've spent a weekend before with Nick in yoga pants and sweatshirts, I felt like it wasn't going to do it tonight, so, trying to seem casual, I put on some black jeans and an also black tank top, with a low-cut back, and showing some cleavage.

I wanted to look good, even put on some makeup. My hair was loose, barely touching my shoulders as I've had it cut into a long-bob style a good two months ago. I've prepared with some wine, music, but most importantly, my mind.

'Hi, Dear,' Nick said, stepping into the apartment and softly pecking my cheek. I tried to hide my disappointment that he didn't kiss me. 'Brought some pizza.'

'Great,' I smiled up at him. Nick looked good, yet again, he always did. He was only wearing a white T-shirt and some washed black jeans, yet he was the hottest man I've ever seen. I wanted him so bad, even though I knew there was a big conversation we had to have before anything could happen.

I didn't care. As anxious I was, as much as I tried to collect my thoughts, the minute Nick set foot in the apartment, all my right mind was gone. I only cared about him, I could only concentrate on him. The way he walked, the way he talked... The way his mere presence made me so calm and relaxed, he was like a sedative pill.

'So,' he started, after we finished eating. We were both comfortably sitting on the bright grey couch, the TV was on, but it was rather just some background noise, since we couldn't stop talking. We had to make up for the last months we've spent without each other's company. 'Tell me, what is on your mind?'

'You,' I chuckled, and Nick joined in, but his eyes were serious. I've never known anyone with the self-control that Nick had.

He didn't push me, he didn't even touch me, as much as I wanted him to. He wanted to clear everything between us first, as much admirable quality as that was, part of me wished that he'd just jump me and finally fuck my brains out. It's been too long since I've been with a man, and Nick's proximity was making me crazy. At the same time, I knew he was right. If we were going to do this, I couldn't have doubts, there couldn't be walls between us. Not in the way Nick wanted us to be together, in the way he wanted to own my mind and body.

Truth is, I did spend the last about 18 hours thinking about this whole thing between us. Did we really have a chance? Was Priyanka really out of the picture? Did Nick truly want to be with me or was it just this insane sexual attraction between us? Was I the one that got away, that he couldn't have which made him want me so much? Where would this lead?

I bit my bottom lip, as hundreds of questions flooded my mind. As much as I trusted Nick and as deeply he knew me, I had trouble talking about this. Maybe the reason was the last few months of us not talking, or just the fact that things between us were becoming real and I was in fact scared shitless... Or just that I've barely talked to men about my feelings in my life, except the times we were more than 6000 miles apart with Nick. This was different. This was personal, intimate even.

'Milla,' Nick said softly, his eyes expecting me to speak. 'C'mon, it's me.' He ran a hand down my arm, stopping around my wrist and leaving it there.

'Am I...' I started, but had to clear my throat. 'I don't want to be your rebound, Nick.' My voice was quiet, yet firm at the same time. He looked at my face, and his expression was like he did not expect this.