Jazz Red's Anomaly

c h a p t e r. 36

"I won't regret it," Jazz says confidently, kissing him briefly again and then seeing that burning green that told him that, whatever was going on in his star's head, wasn't nice thoughts directed towards himself. "Why are you olive?"

"When, if, we have the awesome--" Castor squeaks, shoulders jumping. "--gay sex that I- -bit hot innit- -plan to have with you one day, whether it's tonight or not," He places a gently kiss onto Jazz's collarbone. "I can't stop ticing."

Well... yeah? Jazz knew that. It's not like an off and on switch.

"I know that." He replies, threading his fingers through the celestial's hair. "It's part of you and I don't want to change or ignore that."

"This isn't something I want you to regret, Jitterbug."

"I want to do this with you." He really does. He did research and thought about it and even spoke to a therapist, one of his mom's co-workers, about it to make sure that he wouldn't further fuck up his trauma with this decision. "You ticing doesn't change that." Oh... unless Castor had other reasons? Maybe he wasn't ready? "Is that the only thing not making you say yes?"

"I don't know where you got confused Jasper," Pulling away from his chest, Castor moves one hand up to his jaw, squishing the musician's cheeks together. "But it's already a yes from me. All I want to do is make you comfortable enough to enjoy it."

"You don't think I'll be comfortable with you?" He blinks at the god.

"I'm not--" Castor growled. "--taking any risks. Not with this." Jazz appreciated that a hell of a lot. "Do you really want to do this, have your first time with me? Do you think- -bit hot innit- -that I should be the one that takes your virginity?"

Blushing a deep red, the heat climbing up his throat and seeming to make him go up a good degree or two, he stumbled for an answer before Castor cut him off with a quick kiss.

"Jitterbug, if you can't talk about sex with me then--"

"I can talk about it!" He defended quickly. "You just make me um, really nervous."

"Oh?" Raising an eyebrow, the celestial smirks. "Then tell me what you want. More than just one, three letter word. What do you want from me -need from me? If you can tell me how to pleasure you and respect you at the same time, I'll show you the best thing you can experience when my body's pressed against yours."

"I-I want, I want," Jazz, a slight strain to his voice as his mind briefly flashed to a cold body behind his, a stern hand in his hair and making him face away, a terror of not being able to see that used to be so familiar, coming to the surface. "I want to see your face. I can't... I need to see your face. And I want t-to go slow. Can we go slow?"

Grinning, his star nodded, giving his cheek a chaste kiss. "Of course."

Castor stands up and holds his hand out to the musician, who got slightly confused at the quick change but smiled anyway because he was going to have sex with his amazing, respectful boyfriend and he was going to be able to enjoy it.

"Jitterbug," Castor laughed, head jerking to the side in a tic. "Your first time isn't going to be on a fucking couch."

Jazz could only nod, not letting himself overthink as his boyfriend led him to his bedroom.

For people like Jazz-- people told they're meant to be used and nothing more, people shown that hands against their body hurt and aren't supposed to be kind, that they are nothing more than what someone else molds them into-- being shown that pleasure is a good thing, that their body can be loved, was nothing short of healing.