15-You are fine now

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The next morning Max was waiting outside Great's clinic at 7 o'clock. Great was already there, he opened the door for him and asked him to take a seat in his office while he made tea for them both.

Max took a seat on the large couch that took up half the room. Max was used to sitting there because he had sat there one day a week for a year and a half, so the fact that he was sitting there reminded him of memories he didn't necessarily want to think about. He let out a soft sigh as he thought about it.

Great stepped in and handed him a cup of green tea before sitting down in front of Max, taking his small notebook and looking up at Max with a warm smile.

"So, what happened that made you want to see me here again?"

"I think I'm losing control again, my anger issues are coming back," Max replied with a grumpy face.

"Hmm ... let's not jump to conclusions, first can you tell me what happened to make you think that?" Great asked, picking up his pen to write.

"Well, I'm a little embarrassed to talk to you about it since it involves another person who is also your friend, but since you're my doctor, I guess I have no other choice... hum, how do I put this... I'm kinda tried to force Tul to have sex with me..." Max said sadly.

Hearing that Great didn't want to be a doctor at that moment because knowing that his friend had tried to force his other friend to have sex without his consent was a bit uncomfortable ... but he was a doctor and knew how to keep things in perspective, and now Max was his patient.

"I see, before I talk about your anger problem, I need to know what brings you to this situation?" Great asked, not showing his concern about the situation.

"Well... I was trying to prove something, to prove that Tul has feelings for me since he wouldn't talk to me, or should I say he didn't have the courage to talk. So I went to his room and kissed him. Things went well as he didn't reject me. We were lost in our moment when he got a phone call. This made me angry because I was enjoying myself. At first, I ignored it, but eventually, I picked it up to give it to Tul. In doing so, I saw the caller's name, it was a man, and when Tul saw who the caller was, he tensed up and wanted to take the call outside! His reaction made me even angrier and curious, so I didn't allow him to leave and demanded him to take the call in front of me. At first, there was nothing special in their conversation, but I didn't like the way the guy was talking to him, it was too personal, the guy was trying to flirt with him. I felt my anger grow even more inside me until the fucker said they had sex together! that when I exploded and tried to, you know... but I just forced a kiss... well, I hurt him a little bit, too, while he was struggling. He didn't tell me this when I asked him about it, but I saw the bruise on his body." Max somewhat laboriously explained what had happened that day, remembering how Tul had looked at him fearfully at the time.

Great just looked at him nodding and asked another question instead of commenting.

"How did you hold back?"

"He called me by Maxii, you know, I only allow him to call me that, and when I heard that gentle call, I immediately regained my sanity. Also, I saw a little tear on his face, that's when I realized what a bastard I was, so I let him go. After that, it was hard to look him in the eye..."

"What were your thoughts at the time?" asked Great, writing in his notebook again.

"I wanted to erase the memory of another man touching him, I wanted his body to remember only mine! I wanted him to know that I was the only one who could make him feel good! but I also wanted him to be hurt... like I was! I wanted him to feel the pain and regret that I felt... but when I saw him crying I felt like my world was crumbling"

"How did you feel afterwards? Did you have any  physical pain, like the one you had before: the headache, or anything else?"

"No, nothing... But I can't touch him anymore, that's why I'm here," Max replied, thinking it was weird too. Before, when he'd have an episode of his anger issue, he'd explode and get really violent for like an hour, and after he got back to being himself, he'd have a really bad headache. But this time he was fine.

Great just nodded and wrote in his notebook before slowly closing it.

"Well, after hearing your story, I don't think it was your angry issues that struck again this time. Like I told you the last time I saw you here, you're fine now! It was a bad time you had to go through, and as I explained to you, it was your brain's way of trying to externalize the pain you were feeling with the man you love being gone, and you successfully won that battle against yourself. 

With what you told me, I think the origin of your anger that day was something else, it was simply jealousy. We react differently when we are jealous, and unfortunately, because of that, we can do things we regret afterwards. In your case, it was that you got to know that what you had been craving for so long, that the body of the one you love had already been touched by someone else while you were suffering here, and it triggered you. 

Also, you were already turned on and aroused, mixed with the jealousy you felt, you lost control and acted that way, but it has nothing to do with your illness! So don't worry about your mental state, you are fine. Besides, the person who triggered this disorder is back in your life and loves you, so you're even better." Great calmly explains and adds. 

"So you no need to be afraid to touch him if the reason is your old illness. I mean. if the reason is that you're afraid of hurting him. you won't lose control like you used to. But are you sure that's the only reason?"

"What do you mean?" asked Max, after thinking a little about what Great had just told him. He was really glad to know that he was okay and that there was no danger of him hurting Tul.

"I think you might be scared..." said Great.

"Afraid ... ... you may be right, I won't support losing him again. Once we've crossed that final boundary between us, I won't be able to bear it if he leaves me again." Max sighs.

"What makes you think he'll leave again?"

"I don't know, but I can't help but think about it ..."

"What was the reason he left the first time?"

"He was hurt by me, I wasn't able to protect him as I should, and if I fail again, maybe..." Max sighed as he thought about Tul leaving again.

"Honestly, I don't think he needs your protection, he's a grown man and I'm sure he can take good care of himself, he's a capable man and a smart one, people can hurt him for sure, but I think he can deal with that and I'm sure that you not being able to protect him wasn't the only reason he chooses to walk away. But putting that aside, I want to ask you: are you going to let a situation like that happen again?"

"No, it won't happen again, I will put my life on the line to protect him now, I will never allow myself to hurt him again," Max replied matter factly.

"So why are you scared, you two love each other and you won't let anything bad happen to him, I don't see why he would choose to leave you, besides I think he needs you as much as you need him... I don't see why you should be afraid!"

"Yes ... Right, there's no reason to be ..." said Max thoughtfully.

"You're not sick, so no prescription for you, be more confident about your love for each other! Don't be too serious and just follow your feelings, That's all I can tell you."

"And as a friend, I'm telling you to confirm or define your relationship as soon as possible, otherwise what you're afraid of will have a chance to happen, relationship needs to be clear! If you want him to be your man you will need to state it clearly! you know how he is, he loves when things are done correctly" Great stood up and smiled kindly at his friend. "And don't forget to pay for the consultation fee," he added jokingly.

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Ps: I am not a psychologist or a doctor. So all things I have written in this chapter are fictional. I at list did some research about it and write based on what I have found!

Bonus+++: In the next chapter things will get physical!! 😏😅

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