You promised. You promised that things would change. That they'd go back to how they were when we first met. You promised the ghosting would stop. And you'd be more available. You promised that it wouldn't be bad again. But you lied. We haven't spoken in days. You say youre busy but I see you out with friends. You made a promise to me but you must've crossed your fingers because none of it was true. Not a single word of it. Was there something I did? Or are we just drifting apart. It's not just you though it's everyone. My texts go unanswered. Either not read or brushed aside. I feel ignored and alone. Left with only a silent phone. Abandoned by the ones i once considered friends. But now A response from anyone is few and far between. I have other friends now. But I have trouble learning to trust them. Because I fear like in the end our friendship will end the same. They say it won't. But then again so did you. I know you didn't intend to lie. You did intend to be my friend. But you just seem to have forgotten me. My phones turned up but I get no response. I wonder do I ever cross your mind. Do you ever think maybe you should call me? Maybe you should text me? Do you? I want to know. Truly. I don't know. Maybe this is all my own internal paranoia. Maybe this is all in my head. Maybe I'm just mentally ill. Or maybe you're not even real. Maybe you're a figment of my imagination. And Your broken promise never existed. These thoughts of existentialism fill my mind. You know Rene de carte did say "cogito ergo sum" I think therefore i am. You could be someone I created for the purpose of comfort. But my weird pessimistic mind instead created sadness and discomfort. Maybe I'm just insane. And maybe all these promises I made to myself. Maybe just maybe I can break out of this headspace. Maybe I can grow to accept myself and be happy. And I can forget all this toxicity in my life. Maybe I can learn to cope. Maybe I can learn to deal with all this shit that goes on inside my head. I shall make this promise to myself that shall not be broken. My fingers aren't crossed nor are my toes. I'm serious this time. All I ever am is broken. I've been broken by family, friends, society, and my responsibilities. The responsibilities I have for myself and for others. See I can try to fix myself. I can try to glue my pieces back together. But through it all some pieces have been lost. Like a missing puzzle piece. Each piece you chip off you've taken as souvenirs. So no amount of glue can make me whole again. But possibly if you look at me from a distance your mind will fill in the gaps. And I will look whole. As if none of these pieces were chipped away. Too far away to see the cracks, scratches, gashes, and glue. Content from a distance. But if you take a closer look you'll see a person incomplete. Broken by promises long forgotten. A piece of garbage unfit for display. Exactly how I feel about myself. Such a broken artifact that not even a museum would display it. Broken beyond recognition. With only one promise left to myself. A promise never to be broken. A promise to fix myself. Fill in those holes like clay and make myself new again. Reborn as a better person. Someone who won't make the same mistakes. Someone surrounded by love and compassion. Someone who never feels alone and under appreciated. Someone who can trust their friends and not be such a worthless asshole to them. And someone who has found their true love. Someone to make them happy. That's what I will be. Reborn happy.
