My Home From Home (ManxMan)

Chapter 23

Dear Diary,

One can't help but feel a strange sense of discombobulation in the situation one finds oneself. Is this not what one had hoped for? To have the affections and attention of the handsome young Constable . Yet nonetheless one can't help but feel this deep seated uncertainty festering within one's entrails. As I lay in the arms of a man of whom I've desired very un-gentlemanly things in dreams I dare not speak of lest. But one can't help but wonder; he says he wishes to spend his life with me, but what does that mean? Though I'd love to hope that I'd spend the rest of my life with Thomas, I know it foolish to think it possible.

I've been intimate with other men, though I can't help but feel I haven't understood true, emotional and sexual intimacy until today with Thomas. Every kiss, every touch, every moment our sweat laden bodies remained entangled in a mess of lust and connection sent me into a frenzy of desire and hunger for him. Yet there was something about the final peck he gave me before he left my room; it wasn't lustful nor passionate, but though brief ,there was something more powerful in it. More wholesome, even.

I never witnessed much family intimacy as a child; my parents didn't display open love, it was seen as terribly common to do so. What our lives will hold and what it'll all pan out to be remains a mystery; one can't help but feel as though one is one a ship, stood at the bow and  gazing out at the dense fog that lay ahead in the horizon. But one can say one thing for absolutely certain; what lays beyond the fog might be beyond my knowledge, but with Thomas at the helm of the ship, I can't help but feel like I can weather whatever storm may come. Together.

Love, Henry

Henry slipped the blotting paper between the pages and shut his diary with a smile across his face. He glanced up towards the window as his mind seemed to lull into a trance of deep thought; his mind replaying every moment of his steamy tryst with the young Constable. But his little moment of semblance didn't last long as he was jolted from his thoughts by violent knocking at the door.

He gasped as his neck whipped towards the door in response to the continued pounding; it wasn't a normal civil knocking as he was accustomed to, but rather a desperate. almost panicked knocking that he'd reckon could blow the door quite off its hinges. Henry leapt up from his chair and hastily shuffled towards the door, unbolting it and cracking it open to reveal a very distraught looking Thomas on the other side; his blond hair disheveled and his amber eyes dripping with fear.

"Thomas, what ever's the matter?" Henry blinked confusedly at him.

"I-It's Danny." Thomas huffed with laboured breaths, fear practically written on his visage. "Something's wrong with Danny."

"Alright, let's have a look." Henry wrapped his dressing gown around tight and stepped out into the hallway making haste towards the nursery.

"He's in my bedroom. He said he felt sleepy when Emily dropped him off and before I knew it he was taking a nap in my bed. He was sleeping so soundly that I  couldn't bear to disturb him so I let him be. I didn't realise he was ill until I got back from... your room and he was coughing and he said his throat hurt." Thomas explained, a franticness in his voice as Henry held him by the wrist just as they approached the bedroom where little Danny was. "I don't know what to do! God! This is all my fault, I should've known something was wrong! I shouldn't've left him! I'm his Dad!" Thomas whispered with a look of deep preoccupation in his deep brown eyes.

"Shh... It's alright. It'll all be alright, I'm here now." Henry reached his hand up to caress Thomas' cheek; his rough stubble providing friction against Henry's soft unworked hands. "You didn't know he was poorly at the time. You're a great father to them, I've been watching you for the past two months, nearly. You couldn't've known he was ill. You mustn't blame yourself. Stay calm and I'll have a look and see what I can d-"