youth ❀ karlnap

they look so good, dont they?

But Karl couldn't think any different as he held his face and felt the light scruff on his cheek rub against his palm. When his mother said that God would be there for him, He wasn't. He was silent and let everyone kick Karl down until he was writhing on the ground, vulnerable and alone. He remembered praying, he remembered pleading to be shown a sign that he was loved and that they were wrong but all he heard was the painful echos of his own sobs around his room. Maybe God was out there but He just didn't answer in the way that he was told He would. However it was very hard to want to believe when all the Christians around Karl treated him like he was an alien or a traitor. So for now, he just wanted to let any thoughts of religion sizzle on the back-burner while he learned to accept himself fully first without intervention.

The school day felt like an entire century, but that was only because Karl was so excited that time decided to slow down just to spite him. It was an interesting concept to ignore all of his homework so he could hang out with his friends and attend a football game. Usually his mother was constantly riding his coattails, making sure that he was getting stuff done, or she would be snappy and unpredictable in how she approached his work. She often thought she could bring certain things up when he wasn't doing well, like the subtle threat of making him change schools or going back to attending church two times a week. He hated that she could turn necessities into a weapon against him, and made him feel forced to be grateful for the bare minimum. He wished he could have his friends' parents, because overall they seemed to be extremely accepting and understanding of LGBTQ identities. Of course, there were a couple outliers, but he couldn't help but feel jealousy burn in his gut whenever Dream and George talked about their parents knowing and accepting their relationship. Sapnap's parents knew about him and Karl as well, and they were unsurprised and celebratory about it. But never, under no circumstance, could Karl tell his mom, at least until he was out of the house. He knew she was capable of doing very wrong things to him as long as it meant he wouldn't be a "sinner" anymore, and he could be taken out of public school and isolated again in a snap of the fingers.

Karl hated that this conflict was always on his mind. Even when he sat on the bleachers next to George, the wind blowing through his hair, he still thought of the looming idea of his mother going back on her promise. His friend seemed to notice that he was lost in his head, because he got a nudge to the shoulder, and his gaze was met with concerned eyes.

"You good Karl?"

"Yeah," Karl said, but he wasn't so sure that he was. It was just a natural reaction to the question asked; he didn't even have a second thought about it. When people were asked that, did they really pause and think about it? Because from what Karl knew, the answer to that question was always a yes, even if your eyes were baggy and you stared into space like you no longer had love for anything anymore.

"I think it's starting soon," George noted, looking out over the field instead. His eyes were bright and excitement was clear in his lightly trembling features. Apparently he had been to his boyfriend's games before, but they weren't together romantically at that time, so Karl could understand how that might hit different now. He was excited too, but he had never seen this gone down before. Honestly, he didn't have a clue how football worked as a game, but he was happy enough to be here to support Sapnap. He hoped he'd accomplish everything he desired tonight.

As if George's words were a cue, Karl noticed that the field was suddenly filling up with players, one side green and one purple. He sat up more, squinting his eyes as he searched for Sapnap among the clusters of green. He and George both lit up at the same time as their gazes settled on three boys standing near the back together. Undoubtedly, it was Sapnap, Punz, and Dream. Karl practically squealed and was squirming around in his seat from happiness, sitting closer to the edge of it in anticipation. "That's our boys!" He exclaimed proudly, to which George nodded and laughed.