youth ❀ karlnap

do you know a sapnap?

hi, no cws for this chapter i believe (please tell me if any ever need one) and thank you all for reading <3

also i just want to add an important note: i am not trying to demonize religion by making this story or by writing karl's attitude towards religion so apathetically and bitterly. the purpose is to convey how religious trauma settles in lgbt kids who are forced into certain boxes because religion is often twisted to fit an anti-lgbt agenda. religion is not inherently bad. hate and intolerance of harmless identities is inherently bad.

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"So, Quackity," Karl finally felt that it was the right time. Although Quackity was his closest friend at the moment, he still hadn't told him about Sapnap. Or at least, the details of him. He mentioned how he had a supportive friend when he was young, but didn't go much more in depth. Those were his most treasured memories, and the thought that sharing them might just tarnish them.

He didn't want to take that risk until now.

"Hm?" Quackity responded. It was a normal Wednesday night at the church, and they sat back in big leather chairs in the lobby as they talked. The sermon wasn't going to start for a good fifteen minutes. They both liked to come here early so they'd have more time to chat. Karl didn't get to spend any time with him outside of this building, so he tried to be here as much as possible now. Not because he liked being around the others, but because Quackity was the only person who made everything enjoyable for him. The moment he got home after church he would wallow in his own loneliness in his bed, drowned by blankets. Besides Quackity, Karl didn't have any real friends, just people who would occasionally act sympathetic to him but then make a face when he mentioned his identity. He had been getting a little bolder with that lately, attempting to sneak into the boys' groups instead . He was always kicked out, but Quackity defended him relentlessly and smiled at him on the way out. They were probably the most hated in the building by now, but Karl didn't care. He was developing an apathy towards religion, and the people in the building. They were probably all brainwashed anyway, just like he had been when he was first forced to go here.

Karl smiled, his face flooding with warmth as he thought about Sapnap. He hadn't talked about him to anyone for years. It was going to feel so good to get this off his chest.

"Remember when I told you I had a friend as a kid who understood me like you do?"

Quackity glanced up from his hand, looking interested. "Yeah,"

Karl sighed, making careful eye contact even though sometimes that was the hardest thing for him to do. He was just so excited to see his reaction when he gushed. "His name is Sapnap." He had to shift his gaze. "We were best friends all throughout my youngest days. He told me I could be whatever I wanted to be, including a boy, like him. His parents... they were the best. The sweetest people I've ever met. Sometimes I wish they were my parents instead of my own," He paused, cringing for a moment as he wrung out his hands in a nervous habit. But Quackity was watching in intent, listening hard. It only made Karl more excited to continue.

"They supported Sapnap, but when I told my mom that he changed his name and I wanted to do the same, she started to treat me different. She got mad at me and said hurtful things. And even when she started to force me to come here, I knew it in the back of my mind. Even when I pretended." Karl took a deep breath. "She told me I couldn't see him anymore, and then a year later she took me out of public school. That's why she sent me to private school. Because of him." He paused, feeling quite emotional. His eyes got a little watery, to which he wiped them with his sleeve. "I don't have much of him, just a couple yearbooks with his handwriting in it and a bandana he gave me to match his own. But the memories we made... even though it was so long ago, some of the earliest things I remember were with him." He looked back to Quackity anxiously, searching his face for his reaction.