cw // intrusive / depressive (??) thoughts
izzy's pov:
waking up, the bright sun shining through my window in the places my blinds did not reach burnt my eyes, previously used to the darkness. i turn over in my bed, checking my phone and seeing the time reading 10:27am. surprisingly, i have a text from indy.
indy: hey, meet me at the park in half an hour
delivered at 9:45am
my eyes physically widened reading the message due to me only having 15 minutes to get ready and make the 3 minute walk to the park. not wanting to waste any more time by laying motionless in bed, i get up and spend the next 5 minutes deciding what to wear. that leaves me with 7 minutes to put on my chosen pale blue shirt and black leggings.
i throw on my rather old, plain black hoodie as i race down stairs, shouting to mum who's in the kitchen, letting her know where i'll be.
plugging in my earphones to listen to starlight by muse on the short - what is now a - jog i'm taking to meet my only friend in our typical meet up spot.
"hey..." indy speaks when i'm close enough to hear.
"hi..." i reply, removing my earphones and pausing the song. i sit on a swing next to the one indy is on, and here we remain for minutes in an uncomfortable, deafening silence that's practically begging to be confronted.
"so..." she begins, "i need to tell you something."
i look over and meet her deep brown eyes, a look that could only be described as nervousness buried into them.
"are you okay?" i reply, my heart rate increasing rapidly in fear of what few words could follow.
"yeah, i'm fine. don't worry." my heart begins to slow as she says her next words, "i'm bi.."
what? so all this time i'd spent worrying over my sexuality, she'd been doing the same thing? in all honesty, i feel slightly jealous of the fact that she'd found a label and i still haven't. she's been able to have the confidence to tell me; the trust in me, yet i still don't. do i tell her about me? but i guess this is a big moment for her, i don't want to ruin it by telling her everything i've been doing through. then my thoughts begin again:
you're pathetic
you're useless
you'll never find out who you truly are
she's a better friend to you than you are to her
she's better off without you
you're a bad friend
you betrayed her
how do i make everything in my head stop? how do i stop my overwhelming thoughts? what if it never stops? what if-
"i- izzy??" indy looked over at me, a tinge of hostility in her tone as i feel my rosy cheeks wet with tears.
"ye-" i begin, but she cuts me off.
"why are you crying?" she barks, standing abruptly, the swing rocking and squeaking in her place. "look, i don't know what your problem is, and for the past few weeks you've been incredibly distant, and i've given you the opportunity to talk to me, but you don't. i guess now i have my answer. and if you cant accept me and realise i'm not who you apparently thought i was, then i'm going to have to distance myself from you too."
and before i can whisper another word, the park gate is creaking and she's half way down the street. i'm sat here alone, the grey clouds beginning to loom over me representing my newfound state of mind.
YOU ARE READING
identity
Teen Fiction"her knees buckled and hit the rain-coated, uneven ground, sending splinters of pain shooting up her spine. it was painful, horrendously painful, yet it still didn't even compare to the pain she felt while trapped in her mind. and no matter how far...
