Good Things Never Last

Chapter 44

TW
Mentions of self-harm, suicide and death.

I felt like I'd been locked up for weeks, maybe even months at this point. I was slowly losing the will to stay awake. A feeling of numbness had overtaken me many days ago as I stared blankly at the stone wall for hours on end, being consumed by nothing but my thoughts. I had no idea how dangerous thinking could be until that point. It felt like hundreds of voices were nagging at me about everything that ever went wrong, about how everything was my fault, and I had begun to believe them.

A creaking noise from the opposite side of the room caught my attention. I slowly turned to face the masked man who was crossing the room from the doorway. He then sat in the chair that had been vacant for weeks.

As tears welled in my eyes, I got up and hurried over to the bars. Quickly, I wrapped my hands around them and looked directly at the man.

"Dream please, you need to let me out. I'm losing it. I'm completely losing it Dream. You've isolated me from the whole world and left me with nothing but the thoughts in my head, and it's going to kill me Dream"
Because I hadn't spoken in a long time and had shed so many tears, my voice sounded croaky.

I must have looked like a crazed lunatic to the man that stood in front of me, but I didn't care.

"Well that's just you being selfish, isn't it?"
I let go of the bars and took a step back, my eyes widening as I began to scratch my forearm in response to his comment. It had become my nervous tic recently, scratching at my arm until it drew blood. I found it quite enjoyable. The pain was the only thing that could make me forget about the numbness, so I embraced it.

"What?"
"You are the only reason your country isn't at war with me right now. You're the reason for peace and you want me to let you go, to let you go back because you 'can't take it' Oh grow up Y/N, it isn't all that bad. As you said, your independence is worth more than your life"
I broke my gaze from him and looked down at the ground, ashamed of how frail I'd become.

"Maybe you're right"
I said it quiet enough so he couldn't hear me.

"They don't even care about you anyways Y/N"
"Yes they do. I gave myself up so they'd be happy
"They don't Y/N"
"Yes they do"
I'm not sure when I started shaking, but I did. Blood began to trickle down my arm, but I couldn't stop it.

"Then explain to me why they've not tried to help you out of here once"
Silence filled the room as I turned to face him, tears streaming down my face.

"Maybe they're busy..."
"Busy doing what? Gardening, cleaning their houses. They've had plenty of time and opportunities to come to get you Y/N. Yet they never did"
I took another step back, putting myself in the centre of the cage that had become my home.

"You're lying"
At that point, I'm not sure if I was saying it to him or to myself as thoughts flooded back into my mind.
"You believe what you want to believe Y/N"
He walked away from me and headed towards the door directly across from my cell.

"But they're all I have"
As I stared at my bleeding hands and watched my tears fall onto them, I didn't realise the words had fallen from my lips.

"You care about them more than anything in the world, yet you'll never get that back in return will you?"
I froze. My entire body was in pain, and I couldn't even recognise myself. It was as if he was shouting my thoughts at me aloud, shattering me into a million pieces.