Infatuated (hsau)

chapter 22.

Maybe I owe it to her to let her know I care...I wonder if she's aware that she's not actually alone?

I showered, I threw on some sweats I pulled straight from the dryer and I threw an old hoodie over my head. I shoved my feet into my black converse which now I only see, to associate with Harlow, and I found myself driving round the drive through to pick up two black coffees and something to eat.

Being nice to people is so foreign to me, I never know if I'm doing it right.

The club was the first place I decided to visit in the hopes to find her and I knew the main entrance would be closed so it's the staff car park I pull into. Her little forest green car is parked right beside the door however whether she was inside or not still remained a mystery. If she's not inside that means she took a taxi home,one worry could be ticked off my list.

I went to try the door to get inside and surprisingly it opened straight away, it wasn't locked. Now I was concerned as to whether someone was in here without approval, Harlow hadn't locked the door last night or if it was just her who was here.

Thankfully her office is the first door you pass as you step inside, it's the room furthest away from the noise, the one she struts down like a model when I'm following her.

And there she is, sat behind her computer with her legs up at her chest wearing grey sweats and a massive zip up hoodie drowning her. She has her hair thrown up on the top of her head and her skin was completely bare, the pink lips I remember so vividly from last night had vanished.

She must've earphones in because it's not like her not to notice an unannounced visitor. Then again, I seem to be making a habit of surprising her.

I knock at the door and her eyes ping straight on to me as she tugs the wires from her ears and takes her feet off of the chair she sits on.

When I picture a lady in an office I always picture pencil skirts and blouses on women who sit crossed legged with stupidly good posture. Then there's Harlow in her sweats with her feet on her chair and headphones in... I know who I'd prefer to speak to.

"Morning birdy, got you a bagel." I say as I place her coffee down on the desk as well as the paper bag.

Two days in a row I've done this. Two days of trying to be a nice person...trying is the keyword.

"You're early. We don't open for hours yet." Says Harlow, reverting her eyes back to her computer screen.

Are we really playing that game?

Maybe she is but I'm not, so I sit down on one of the chairs at the opposite side of her desk. She's not getting rid of me that quickly. I like annoying her, but most of all, I've also just realise I care about her and that's making me do crazy things. Crazy things like care about her feelings.

"Did you go home last night?" I ask her, tucking into my own bagel that I got.

It's vegan, because I know Harlows one of those people but it tastes the same. Apparently these are healthy too, makes a change to the amount of utter shit going into my body.

God knows what else she eats though, probably just vegetables because what the fuck can vegans eat? I get vegetarians because they can have eggs and milk and things, but being vegan is like vegetarians on crack. I mean why would you want to give up-...wait.

Can she eat ice cream?

"Harlow can you eat ice cream?" I ask, before she even has the chance to respond to my previous questions she was clearly ignoring.

She looks at me with confusion, her brows knitted together and 'what the fuck?' written right across her face. I love annoying her. That look on her face is just too satisfying.

"Dairy free, yeah I can? and I went home this morning but why? What are you...Are you still drunk?" Her tired voice speaks, quizzing me with that same look of confusion mixed with frustration.

Interesting.

I bet dairy free ice cream tastes like shit. I mean is dairy not the whole point of ice cream?

"I'm not drunk, I came to see if you were okay." With those words her face falls into a blank expression.

I think she was hoping I'd forget, but how could I? It's all I've been able to think about; the kiss, her smile, her laugh and then the sudden fear on her face.

"I'm sorry, I-"

"Stop, I'm sorry." I interrupt, the feeling of guilt smacking me square in the face once again.

Harlow lets out a sigh and brings her elbows down to the surface of the desk as she holds the palms of her hands over her eyes. I hope she's not embarrassed, she has no right to be. I mean she's seen me throw my guts up and even held the bucket as I did so, I can promise her I'm not judging.

That just shows the type of person she is I guess.

"You never did anything wrong Harry." Mumbles Harlow against her wrists.

I never knew that was holding such a big weight on my shoulders until she lifted it, confirming I wasn't at fault. I still felt it though. I should not have left and I shouldn't have left the way I did, without saying goodbye.

"Do you wanna forget about it? Because we can. I'll pretend I never saw what I did and you can relax a little, sound good?"

I don't want to forget it, I want to know she's okay, that she's not going to keep internally punishing herself for things out with her control but that would be selfish of me. Forgetting it might be the easy option for her.

I'll try to forget this but I won't be able to. I'd offer to forget the night as a whole but I'll never forget the electricity I felt when her lips intertwined with mine. It was such a strange feeling, one I've never gotten from a kiss.

She's shy, either that or she's hungover and to be honest, a hangover is a valid excuse as to why she's sitting like she just got laser eye surgery or something. However I don't like it, she's hiding and it's not nice. She should never hide.

"If you wanna forget about it then let's do that." She says, lifting her head with a faint smile before darting her eyes back to her computer.

I think she misinterpreted what I was saying, I think she thinks I want to forget last night. I don't. I can't.

I think she misinterpreted what I was saying, I think she thinks I want to forget last night. I don't. I can't.

"I don't want to forget that." I sigh, looking straight into her captivating blue eyes. "Harlow," I say her name in an attempt to get her to look at me but it seems that she's decided she wants to ignore me. "Harlow-"

"What? Harry we were drunk, you're allowed to regret it." She snaps, the frustration gaining a one up in her.

That's when the penny drops and the realisation hits, I know her biggest fear.

"Intimacy. You're afraid of intimacy."

°°

I'm so thankful for all the support I've been receiving, you're the best.

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