𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐝 𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 [discontinued]

four. these walls between us

After taking a shower and getting a chilled drink from the refrigerator, [Y/N] flops back down onto her bed, grabbing her second pillow and clutching it to her chest, "I can't let this happen again. I don't even- I don't even know what this feeling is... could it be infatuation?" [name] asks herself, pushing her head into the pillow as she screams into it, "AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

[Y/N] start to calm down after that hellish thought came into her head. Breathing in and out, huffing every single time thinking about Danny. To her it was so surreal about the fact that they went to the same school. Considering how far they were from their hometown, it should have been impossible for them to go to the same school but here he was on campus.

"What kind of sick game are you playing... Jesus." [Y/N] asked herself as she gets up from her bed and walks to her computer to do online classes.

_______

_______

For days I often felt like my routine fell into a plain carbon copy of itself. It was as if the world stopped turning for a while. I felt like I wasn't progressing in class or in games. Everything was off. It wasn't until the day I texted Danny back that the world started to feel like it was moving again. It wasn't much, just a simple 'hello' is all but something in the air... it felt different. Maybe it was because the weather decided to finally let it rain or maybe, it was to be fate's choice. Either way, a progression was made that day. 

I walk to the mirror that I would frequently try to avoid and look at my reflection for once. Did I gain a few pounds? The last time I checked myself in the mirror I- never mind. I feel like shit looking at this mirror. My stomach bubbled with anxiety and my throat burned, I rushed to the bathroom and puked my guts out. Tears streamed down my face as I cried.

I was never going to be perfect... I was never a model, or remotely pretty. In my nineteen years, never was there even a chance of someone falling for me. I was always that sad, quiet girl that everyone picked on. Maybe that's why I don't have many friends but could I really have a chance with him?

Then I hear the airy voice of my mother saying the last words she had spoken to me before she passed,"You deserve so much more than this life gives you." Did I mother? Do I deserve more than life or were you wrong? I shake my head, I had to snap out of it. This train of thought isn't healthy, it's fucking toxic. I should stop this and do something else but I couldn't. Feelings of disgust stirred in my stomach forming a pit of emptiness. Then a notification pinged on my phone.

I walk out of my bathroom and grab the water bottle Danny had given me that day, "He was probably right, I should drink more water."

"Beep beep beep," my phone rang as I look to see who it was... I was hopeful but suddenly my optimism became pessimism. 

"It's him."

3rd person POV

[y/n] pondered the reasons why college to her was so stagnate and boring. Thinking about how it was always like she was floating in a limbo of sorts, feeling the state of being alive but also feeling dead. Then she looks through a book full of pictures from her senior year. Reminiscing about they day she didn't feel stuck in the same loop.

[Flash back]

As [y/n] walked the crowed halls she walked alongside a tall muscular boy with dark umber hair. She held his hand tightly as she smiled at what it seemed, nothing. As she passed the familiar faces of her classmates and the unfamiliar faces of the lower grades. She felt safe, secure and loved by the boy that had stood by her for three whole years. She couldn't have been happier.

That was until the cards came falling down. Two weeks before prom, he broke up with her. She never understood why though. Was it because she was boring? Was it because she wasn't pretty enough? She had asked him about it and his response was the typical, "it's not you, it's me." The truth was, he had found someone else. Her ex was the type of guy that wanted to live life to the fullest now and care about responsibility later. Meanwhile [y/n] meticulously planned for better and for worse, she wanted to get into a good college and never waited to make decisions later. 

They were polar opposites and because of that, they both got into fights that almost were everyday until he snapped. He told her that her life was boring and that she'd never find someone who loved her, commencing the end of their relationship. 

[End of flash back]

[y/n] picks up her phone and accepts the incoming, "What do you want."

[A/N: Sorry for the very long hiatus. I just don't have love for this. I think I might end this book, it's just not fun to write it. Sorry.]