What's Enough?

Chapter 186

I rip off the top and open the note, "If you're reading this that means, that means you're doubting yourself right now, so you opened this letter to get some encouraging words from me,"

He knows me all too well.

"I'm gonna take a guess and say right now you are having a panic attack, take a deep breath and think about the moment you are in right now, don't think about tomorrow or the next day, think about what is happening at this instance. After doing this, now, I want you to think about tomorrow and tell yourself how tomorrow will be better than today. Depression and anxiety requires a tremendously strong person to endure its pain, and you, Jayda, you are that person; it may not feel like it, but trust me, you are,"

Am I?

"The pen that writes your life story must be held in your hand, don't let fate, depression, anxiety, people or whatever control you and your life, because your life is in your hands only,"

Slowly I start to gain control over my emotions again and calm down.

"Once you believe that you are enough, only then can you live for yourself. Think about it; your parents aren't enough for you. Ryder wasn't enough for you. You weren't enough for Jess. What is the one thing you or her never tried to be enough for? Yourself,"

He's right; I never once tried to be enough for myself; I spent so long looking for something to keep me here. Something to give me purpose for living. Little did I know the girl in the mirror was enough all along.

It was right in front of me.

"Soon, when all is well, you're going to look back to the worst part of your life and be glad that you never gave up. I beg of you, please don't give up again. Become the light to light up your tunnel. One day you will tell the story of how you overcame what you went through, and it will be someone else's survival guide. I'm rooting for you, Jayda King; your story will be the one to save us all."

I slowly fold the letter and then place it back into the open envelope. And just like that, all my woes have gone away.

Juliet was an idiot! She fell in love with the one guy she couldn't have, the one guy she was supposed to hate, and then she blamed fate for her own bad decisions.

I can't blame anyone but myself for the decisions I make. I don't want to look back in life and blame Ryder or fate for keeping me from living my life.

Today I promise to myself that I will live for myself, and I will do what makes me happy, without any regrets.

In my life, I've lived, I've loved, I've lost, I've missed, I've hurt, I've trusted, I've made mistakes, but most of all, I've learned. I don't regret anything that has happened because all of those little moments led me here.

Life asked death. "Why do people love me but hate you?" Death responded, "Because you are a beautiful lie and I am the painful truth,"

Everyone knows death is inevitable. The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon but that we wait so long to begin it.

Life is about choices; it's about putting down the poison and the dagger and making your own happy ending... most of the time.

None of us have a purpose; we're just existing, just living in a world that was always against us—a world where our authors control us.

Like I said before, Great novels aren't just written by regular people; they're written by the ones in the stars.

Cleary, the author of my story, writes sins, not tragedies. And for that, I am grateful because I know my story isn't over; it's far from over because I still have so many more people to help and save. For however long, I'll continue to provide a voice for those who don't have one.

I start my car back up. A chapter is ending, but my story has only just begun. A page is turning for everyone.

I will never give up again because of one bad chapter in my life. Quitting is no longer an option! My story doesn't end here; my story is far from over.

Finally, I can breathe now, really truly breathe, knowing that this is just a chapter and not my story. It's mine and ours, whoever wants to be a part of it.

I drive past the leaving Crossland sign. Jessica's necklace hangs on my mirror, and sparkles reflecting on me in the sun. I feel like she's smiling and waving right now; I look up at the sky, remembering what she told me.

I'm thankful for all of it. The Highs. The lows. The setbacks. The comebacks. Everything. And here's why because today, today at least I'm here, and I'm me, and that's enough.

Today I close the door to the past, open the door to the future, take a deep breath, step through and start a new chapter in my life.

It's time for me to write a new story.

To be continued

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