Blood, Sweat, and Tears

Chapter Twenty-Four

I snuggle into Taehyung's chest as I lie in between his legs while we are on a loveseat in the big living room on the ground floor. A blanket wrapped around Taehyung so he can hug it around me.

We've been inside for about forty-five minutes now, with all of us that were outside chilling and trying to get warm in this room. We're all spread out, but we all feel closer than we have in years. Seokjin was kind enough to make all of us that wanted hot chocolates, even putting them into the typical cup with lid that would be at a coffee shop. There is a drama playing on the huge flat-screen, but I don't think anyone is fully paying attention.

"Today was more fun than I have had in months," I take a small sip of the hot chocolate I am holding with both hands. "I mean, there have been moments these past few months that have been fun in some way, but there has been a shadow lurking nearby. I didn't feel that today."

Taehyung presses a kiss to the top of my head, "I'm glad that you had fun, baby. I wish that your life wasn't being ruined by such a terrible shadow, but I am glad that today could make you forget about it all for the time being. I'm sorry that life has to be this way."

"No, don't feel sorry Tae. There's no reason for you to be sorry. Besides, when you're not hacking away, when you're letting me disappear into your side, I don't think about that damn shadow. Those are the moments that I wish could last forever. Today is a day that I wish could never end. This is just how life is for the time being. We'll get through it. Bangtan always gets through it."

"That's right," he gives me a small squeeze. "How's the hot chocolate warming you up?"

"Not as much as you have been," I smile. "You give off so much heat, Tae. This nice fluffy blanket is also helping a lot. I don't mind being cold that much, at least once we had been out there for a while. I just got used to it. In a way it reminded me that I was alive. I need that sometimes."

"I can make you feel alive, kitten," he whispers, pressing a kiss right behind my ear.

I catch the squeal in my throat before it can burst out, my cheek bursting with heat. "You are unbelievable sometimes."

"That's my specialty I like to think."

I take a few sips of my hot chocolate in hopes that I can calm my mind enough to say something coherent. It doesn't really work in the way I was hoping, as all I can think about now is what happens next. What happens now that we had our fun?

"Not to bring down the mood, but besides this day, I have been so scared," I take a deep breath to settle the nerves that have bubbled up. "I have been so damn scared and I hate it. I hate that they are making me feel this way. Especially since I know that I can defend myself. I can defend myself against so many people. Maybe not as well since I haven't been training as much, but I'm starting to get back to where I was before all this shit started to happen. I can keep myself safe as long as I can focus. As long as the person coming after me is not bringing back all kinds of memories that were taken from me. I just, fuck, I hate feeling like this so often."

"You're tense, baby," Taehyung rubs his hands over my sides. "And you were rambling, so you are not lying. Not that I think you would be lying, but why would you keep this from me? I will do whatever I can to help you, even if that just means you need to let it all out like you just did. No one here is going to let you get hurt. No one is going to let those sick bastards get you."

"I know," I sigh. "I just hate that each time we make some kind of progress with my parents, or with the Red Wolves, or even when I make progress with my own mind, it just makes the puzzle grow even more. It just makes everything more complicated. The puzzle grows each time we find a new piece. What's the saying? One step forward and then two steps back? I know that we must be getting closer, but there are still too many mysteries and that I what I really hate."