Addicted to You

The Thunder

When those words left your mind, different words came back. The ones where Claire was begging for him to stop. You brought your fingers down to one of your wrists, remembering the bruised marks. Everything replayed in your head over and over again.

...

Spencer was over at his desk reading a book but his mind would roam elsewhere. As he turned pages he also glanced up at Y/n over at her desk. He had been watching her since she was at the prison. Being with her helped distract him from the past memories but watching her break wasn't any better.

Every time there was a clap of thunder he would watch Y/n flinch. He could tell her leg was bouncing up and down under her desk.  He could see her getting lost in her own mind and trying to make it look like she was focusing on her work. What John said had really gotten to her and he didn't know how to help. He hadn't seen her this vulnerable in years.

There was another clap of thunder but this one was the loudest and it took the lights out with it. Spencer heard groaning surrounding him and a clack of heels going in his direction. A flash of like came from the glass doors.

"The storm took out the power but I'm working on it, sorry guys" it was Penelope

People shot their okays and thank you at her, she walked away. It wasn't pitch black but it was definitely harder to see. Spencer opened the drawer in front of him and dug through it for a flashlight. Once he got it he turned it on and flashed it over everyone. Slowly everyone took out a flashlight or used their phone. He flashed it over Y/n's desk and her chair was empty.

He rolled his chair back and stood to his feet quickly running over to her desk. He looked down at the ground and saw her pen on the floor, he crouched down and found her. Her knees were to her chest and her hands was covering her face. She was practically shaking. Spencer lightly tapped her knee and she flinched

"Y/n it's me Spencer" he whispered, he didn't want anyone to hear "I'm going to turn the light off okay? Come with me"

Slowly she looked up and nodded. He took her hand and lifted her off of the floor. He turned off the light and guided her down the halls into a storage closet. Making sure someone didn't follow behind or see her vulnerable state. He knew the last thing she needed was to be bombarded with questions.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry" she lifted the sleeves of her long sleeve shirt and wiped her tears

"Don't apologize" he whispered, he lifted his hand to hold her but he resisted. The lingering feelings he thought he had were in the back of his head.

"I--I just" her breathing got heavier "The thunder and then the lights I-- I thought I--"

Spencer stepped closer and cupped her face. Her face was so close to his she could feel his breath. "Breathe in"

Spencer saw the sparkle in her eyes return and he smiled. "Breathe out with me"

Spencer watched her become less tense and relaxed. She continued to inhale and exhale for a couple minuets. He admired her face, she looked beautiful as always. He had knew that he avoided her on purpose. When he held her his heart glowed. Spencer knew being around her was a risk because he would have to confront his feelings and to be honest he didn't even know exactly what to feel.

He loved Max. Loves. He thought to himself. He loves her and whatever he feels for Y/n was just a reaction to her return. He was too scared to mess with anything but holding Y/n in his arms felt strange. It felt like no time had passed. Like life hadn't been ruined, when they were okay and happy. He began to remember their last perfect night at the hotel until she spoke.

"You can let go of my face now" she smiled

"I'm sorry" he dropped his hands to his sides but he hadn't pulled away, his face was so close to hers, he couldn't her breath on his lips. His eyes traveled from her eyes to her lips but soon enough he pulled away. He slowly backed away until his back hit the door

"How do you do this Spence" she sighed running her hands through her hair. He noticed the new haircut and highlights, it suited her and Spencer liked it

"Do what"

"It's been like 8 years and I can still feel his hands wrapped around me" she murmured "You know people told me that wounds take time to heal. Well they are all liars. People told me I should be grateful for escaping but I'm still trapped in that room. I'm stuck in there and visiting" he frowned when she smiled, it wasn't her real smile "Visiting him just"

He studied her face, she was no longer upset, she was angry. She was clenching her fist and looking up trying to avoid tears. Shadows filled the room with the faulty flashlight.

"It just made everything worse" she sighed "It's been years I should have been over this by now, how did you do it with um-" Spencer tilted his head waiting for her to finish her sentence "With Tobias"

"I haven't gotten over it" it was true, some days Spencer would wake up with intense cravings for dilauded. He never acted on it but there were moments when he thought he would break "I relapsed when I was with you and almost relapse when Emily faked her death"

"I heard about that" Spencer watched as her head tilted to the side shamefully. "I don't know how much longer I can last with John suddenly being in my head again"

She laughed to herself "I'm letting a man named John ruin everything" she scoffed "And ruin your day, I'm sorry for dragging you away from work"

"Don't apologize" Spencer thought to himself "It's nice having someone to talk to who actually knows what it feels like and don't let him win. I can't say that you will get over it but eventually it does get better"

Spencer watched her smile. A genuine smile that he could recognize in a heart beat, he felt his heart flutter and then his phone rang. He looked down at the contact.

Max

He could see the comfort in her eyes disappear when she glanced over to the screen. He pushed whatever he felt back and just assumed that Y/n was still upset about her situation.

"Thanks for the help" she gave him a light hearted smile and turned on her flashlight from her own phone and walked out of the closer

Spencer snapped back to reality and answered the phone "Hello"

"Hey baby" he smiled at the cheery voice "The power went out and I just wanted to make sure you were okay"

"Yeah baby I'm fine"

Now he was more confused than ever. He loves Max and he used to love Y/n. That's it. Nothing more and nothing less he thought to himself. Right?