laminated lavenders | dreamnotfound

13

13 - epilogue

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"hey, do you remember when we broke my mum's favourite vase?" george asked no one in particular, leaning against the stone - tracing his fingertips against the carvings etched onto the grey, polished stone embedded on the ground, george couldn't ignore the lump in his throat while reading the name and the dates etched onto his best friend's grave, "she was so mad, but she didn't show it. and when she calmed down - she bought us cakes from the baker next door."

george sighed, looking up at the clear, blue sky, birds flying over him and chirping happily, much like when george waited for clay to come over. "sucks, isn't it? i felt guilty because i was hiding something. turns out you were hiding something as well." he muttered, back slumped against nothing, "for what it's worth - i do feel the same. i mean, i love you." george trembled, shakily putting a piece of malteser on his tongue, the chocolate tasting almost bittersweet - reminding him of his first kiss. oh, how george missed clay.

"i was a little lonely when high school started." george stared off into the distance, "i just moved back to england, and i didn't have anyone to match my wavelength." he breathed, staring down at his hands. "but i met new people, and they were nice in their own ways - but they weren't you. i always looked for you, and i always hoped to see you again. i was determined to visit you after i graduate, and i did. i didn't expect to see you like this."

the brit noticed how his left hand was a little red from the cold, gripping the can of white monster he had bought earlier, "sometimes, when i stare at karl and nick, i feel something. not because i like either of them romantically, but i do wonder - what'll it be like if we ended up together."

"like, i knew a lot about you already, but it would be different - magical, almost, if we had a label." george laughed lightly, "i wanted to be domestic with you in a way where we were more than friends, i wanted you to give me morning kisses - then i'll pretend not to like it because of your coffee breath but in reality, i don't mind."

"i want to steal your sweaters, well, i did back then - remember when you pushed me on a pond? and i didn't have extra clothes on me? you gave me this huge, rust coloured sweater, and i still have it - it still fits me, it's still so big." the brit smiled, "i wanted to be here with you, but i was deprived of that. then again, i wouldn't want to see you so sick and frail." george allowed the tears to stream down his face, "i wouldn't want to see you when you look so dead, but...i wish i was here, you know? i wish i never left you without giving you some sort of closure."

george hugged his knees close to his chest, furiously wiping tears from his eyes. "i love you, clay, i really do. and holy shit, i regret a lot of things, and not being here for you when you needed me the most really fucking hurts." he whispered, wiping the tears from his cheeks with the sleeves of his sweater, "i'm so sorry for being selfish, i'm sorry for only thinking about myself and i'm so sorry for leaving. i'm so sorry for not doing anything when the bullies teased you instead of me, and i'm sorry for not telling you enough that i love you." george sobbed, but the brit opened his phone, looking at the time. "i'm sorry, clay. i have to go. i love you, and only you, alright?" george mumbled, giving the grave a watery smile as he left a can of white monster on top of clay's gravestone.

the brit walked slowly to the rented car waiting for him, and when he sat down on the front seat, his pink haired friend looked at him, "hey, gogs. are you ready to go back to good 'ol england?"

"yeah, sure." george smiled, before turning to the three, plus the sheep. "hey, i don't tell you guys this enough but...i love you guys, and, thank you for being here for me."

"aw! of course, gogy!" sapnap grinned, and wilbur mumbled a 'stop it or i will absolutely cry,', making george giggle.

"okay, are we good to go?" techno asked, getting a chorus of cheers, "alright then, home we go."

george smiled, staring at the back of his phone where he placed a clear phone case. his fingers traced the outline of the laminated lavender neatly tucked on the back of his phone. the life was long gone, but its beauty remained. sometimes, george swore he can still smell the earthy aroma from the flower, and whenever he held the lavender - he felt clay's hand within his own.

"yeah, let's go home."

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02/26/21 - first draft
03/09/21 - edited

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