House of Crazies

Robbery

"Not many folks like to party till their minds go bam, don't they?" asked the owner of the Madhouse Nightclub, Looney. The Madhouse has been around for at least 6 months and it's gotten average to minimal patronage. Namely because of its "shady" reputation.

"You can never know what they think. You ask me, maybe cut out the sanity drop section. Feels like a torture dungeon in there" suggested the club's accountant Kerwin. This kind of talk is natural for them these days. Back when they were starting out, Looney was wild, over the top and basically borderline insane. Kerwin being the nervous wreck of the group, but has fitted in as time's went on.

"Are you kidding me?! How are we supposed to give demons in an already crazy world the real touch of insanity?" Looney snapped, offended at the question. Even at his calmest, Looney is still as eccentric as they come. "Besides, ain't we having a nice side show with this collector's store we installed last week?". "More or less. As long as we make back the money, as everyone would say" replied Kerwin as he was gathering papers, no doubt more work from his boss, the Necro Demon overlord, Zyrus.

"Whatever. And when you're in the john, don't clog it up. I've already got enough shit around here. Especially from those coke heads who keep trying to sneak their junk in here" Looney called after him as he went for said spot. Kerwin turned around and asked "Hey, you know Ackerman?"

Looney gave a grimace. "That dumb fuck from Val's shit heap? I dunno why you hang with that piece of inbred trash". Kerwin smirked, as if getting to the punchline of a joke, before replying "Well, he makes good on his dues. Although he is a moron. Tried to take of of Val's 'pieces' for himself. Got one of those shitty figurines stuck up his asshole"

Looney burst out cackling. This was the Looney everyone knew. Always upratic, always laughing, just being crazy. "God damn!" he wheezed out "How stupid can folks be? Huh?!". Kerwin simply shrugged as he entered the restroom. Looney was back in high spirits as he entended an arm to one of those yank a string gizmos, yanking said string, letting off an exaggerated imitation of the chattering it made, much to his amusement.

The door to the store opened and two small demons walked inside. From the looks of it, they seemed to be imps. A male and a female. Looney could swear he'd seen these particular two before on an ad. He put the thought out of mind when the two walked up to his counter. "Come on, come all!" he exclaimed, always one for getting in character for the sake of it "Feast your eyes on these dear keepsakes and spend your money! You certainly won't regret it!"

The imps were a little taken aback, but quickly recovered. The male asked "Do you, by any chance, have one of those sour coffee beans?" with a hint of deviousness in his eyes. Looney simply responded "We sure do! But what does a lovely couple like you two want with stuff like that?". He figured they were a couple from the way they just kept close together. The female answered "Well... let's just say darlin' here's been a little under pressure and he wants a little 'even' business with our boss". She seemed as if she was trying to make both guys back out.

Looney didn't get the message, simply saying "Ha! The old classic. Can't blame you much. Bosses are shitheads". The male imp was taken aback and said "Well.... I wouldn't call him a shithead, per se. But he is a pain in the ass, that's all I can say". His partner simply cooed "C'mon hun. It's just a little harmless fun". Said hun gives an exasperated sigh. Looney is nonplussed.

"Well, can't hurt to have at least one bit of harmless payback if you ask me" he said, chuckling a little bit before he continues "But do tell me what a couple like you is doing around these parts". The male replies "Just a little bit of a work getaway. And we were curious about this place. Saw the ad and everything". Now Looney's interest was peaked. Somebody actually saw their ad?

The female chips in. "Yeah. Lotta energy for someone of your type". Lonney's grin falls, as if offended by the statement. "Oh, so you think we eccentrics are all funny-like, do ya?" he says, hostility in his voice. "No, no! I didn't mean that. I meant-" she attempts to explain before she's interrupted by another remark. "You think I'm some sorta clown dropped dead in the street?". The male chimes in "What she meant was-".

"Well, I gotta get me an education! Huh huh! You asshole!" Looney practically hisses at the imps, a scowl plastered on his face. The two imps brace for a blow as he raises a hand, his index pointing at them. And then...

"Aaaaaand... got ya!" He squeaks, his grin back on his face. The imps feel relief immediately and start to laugh with the lunatic.

That is cut short when the door bursts open and two demons in masks come in holding guns at said lunatic, who responds with "What the fuck?! You miserable piece of shit! You get the fuck outta here!". The smaller of the two robbers simply growls "Not until we get your cash, psycho boy. Now put your fuckin' hands up!", pointing his gun at Looney, who responds with middle fingers. The taller and bulkier chimes in "Yeah! Don't move or I'll blow a hole the size of- er- Kansas in your ugly... bozo face!".

Looney is almost dumbfounded by the pathetic attempt at threatening. "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?". The smaller robber yells at his partner "Just shut up and go grab that other asshole in the back". Said partner responds with a measly "Right", before awkwardly walking to the restroom. Looney glares at the robber, hostility in his eyes.

"You miserable motherfucker. I outta jump over his counter and bash your fuckin' balls in!" he snarls. The robber aims his gun at him and snarls at the imps watching. "Alright, shitstick, you empty out the register and I might leave your brain in your skull". Looney is not impressed in the slightest. "How about you go home and take your whore some meat so I don't have to stuff a machete in your ass!?" he growls.

The robber growls back "I don't like meat and I HATE nutcases like you". Looney seems to be boiling with rage right now. The imps are stuck in place, no idea what to do. The door to the restroom opens, Kerwin stepping out with the other robber, who is holding Kerwin's papers. His partner barks at him "Put the fuckin' papers down!" and shoots a round into the ceiling, sending dust on top of him. He is really pissed at this point. "THAT'S IT! YOU BETTER FORK OVER THE CASH OR I'M GONNA SPLATTER YOUR FUCKED UP BRAINS ALL OVER THE WALL! YOU GOT 10 FUCKIN' SECONDS!" he roars.

The countdown begins. "1!". Looney responds with "Fuck your momma!". The robber goes again. "2!". "Fuck your sister!". The robber's partner looks uncertain, as he squeaks "What are we gonna do?". Kerwin then speaks up "Hey, I know you. You work over at the hardware store". The robber stammers "Sh-shut your trap!". His partner promptly yells "Shut up! 3!". "Fuck your grandma!"

"Yeah, I know you. Richie Wickham. Boys over there call you Little Dick Wick". "Shut up!". Kerwin dies not, a smirk on his face as he sing songs "Little Dick Wick, play with his prick. Don't the smell just make ya sick?". The robber rips off his mask and cries "Stop singing! I hate that song!"

His partner shouts "Put your fuckin' mask back on!". And his partner drops it by mistake. Looney bursts into laughter at this incompetence, prompting the robber to again aim his gun at him with "Fuck it!".

Before he can get a shot off, the door bursts open and in runs a small guy in a jacket and fedora carrying an axe. The robber turns around, but doesn't react in time to avoid an axe swing, which strikes him to the ground. Looney then fishes out a revolver and, with an maniacal grin on his face, shoots the other robber in the head. The axe wielder turns out to be Looney's main goon and accomplice, Bob, as indicated by his red eyes and dirty blonde hair.

Looney jumps over the counter and steps on the first robber, still alive, but coughing up blood. Looney aims his gun at the demon's face and spits out "But most of all, FUCK YOU!" before unloading the rest of his ammo into his face, spraying blood everywhere.

"Goddamn motherfucker got blood all over my best coat..."

As the lunatic and his cohorts enter the back room, the imps are stood frozen at what they just witnessed. "On second thought, honey..." speaks the male "I think I'll leave it this time..."