Collision // Larry Stylinson - itjustkindahappened

chapter 21

"Well." Louis scratches his neck. "As you might know... We've gotten kind of close lately. And like, I don't know why that keeps happening in the first place because—I hate him, right? Or like. Well. I don't like him like that, at least."

Niall's face manages to stay completely neutral, nodding encouragingly for Louis to continue, so he does.

"Right. But recently I've kind of had these... Feelings? You know, not. No big deal, really but they're still there. Like, I just get urges to kiss him or hold him and when he's sad I just feel—I feel like something is going to burst. So I'm a bit—lost, if you will. About what those feelings mean."

"Right." Niall mimics, ever so calm, only the tiniest hint of a smile on his lips. "What does it sound like they mean, Louis?"

Louis feels his cheeks burning and he's sure his whole face is sporting a nice pink tint right now, and he breaks their eye contact.

"I know it sounds like... Like—you know. But it can't be. It can't be that, so. I'm not sure what to make of it."

"And why can't it be that?" So soft, so empathetic.

"Because—because it's not right," Louis asserts, looking almost pleadingly at the cupid in front of him. "This isn't how it's supposed to be!"

"How what is supposed to be?"

"Love!" Louis is slowly getting worked up, both because this doesn't seem like a big deal at all to Niall, and also because the cupid puts his questions in a light that makes them sound... Ridiculously easy. And they're not. They're not easy for him. "Love is... Love is soft. Love is pure. Love is kind and warm and nice. Like Liam and Zayn! That's love, isn't it? Me and Harry, we're... That couldn't ever be love."

"But Louis," Niall smacks his lips and shakes his head. "Louis, Louis. Love comes in many forms. There's no strict bucket list for how you're supposed to experience it. I know it's easy and uncomplicated to reduce it to what Liam and Zayn have. Make it a fairytale kind of thing, a clichéd bliss. But that's not all there is to the feeling. Love isn't a fairytale, Louis. We're too faceted and complex for it to be."

What is this. What is this.

Not to be dramatic, but Louis feels... lied to. Louis feels like his entire life is a lie. One thing that he's always been certain of, is that love is the antidote for all the bad, for all negativity. That it's sweet and innocent and beautiful, the fresh and passionate breeze to come and whisk him away from grey concretes. He fists his hands in his hair, trying to make sense of it all.

"Then what is it?" he asks.

"It's unfair," Niall shrugs. "It's fickle. It's shaded. Just like every other emotion, because that's what it is, Louis, it's an emotion. Not some sort of salvation. And it's very rarely what you want it to be. People are exposed to unhappy kinds of love all the time—unrequited love, manipulative love, falling out of love. It's not always pleasant, Louis. I would even say love is the greatest pain of all. And if you asked Harry, I'm sure he would agree, too."

Oh my god. Oh my god.

Every single word Niall speaks makes sense. It makes sense, sounds so painfully reasonable and it terrifies Louis.

"But it can't be," he tries hopelessly, clinging onto the last bit of safety he has. "I—we fight! We fight all the time! And we bicker, and we yell, and we hurt..."

"... And you are exactly what both of you need," Niall finishes. "Don't you see that?"

"We hate each other," Louis almost whispers. "How can that be something we both need?"

"You don't hate him, Louis," Niall tilts his head knowingly. "You know you don't. You like having someone who keeps up with you. You enjoy the bickering, you enjoy the challenge. You like that he opens up to you. You see good in him, Louis, more than any of us, and you don't hate him."

Louis is quiet.

"You are exactly what the other needs," Niall continues. "Because you need someone to push you. Harry needs someone who's not scared of him. He needs someone who's not afraid to defy him, who doesn't suck up to him and does anything he wants to just because they could risk being hurt. And you, Louis, you need someone who doesn't treat you like you're breakable. You need someone who doesn't look at you and is immediately afraid to harm you."

"That's not true," Louis mumbles. "Harry's called me weak numerous times."

Niall sighs deeply, and Louis knows he's being difficult. He knows. He just. It's a lot to take in. It's not like he can just go oh yeah, seems like I'm in love with the only creature I've ever thought myself to hate. Big deal. It's too overwhelming.

"Sure, he might've in the past, but you're completely missing the point. When he says stuff like that, it's to press your buttons. It's because he knows that that's your weak spot. Not because he believes it to be true. Just like you've made quips about his powers and his origins. And besides, there's a difference between calling someone breakable and treating someone like they're breakable. When has Harry ever tried to stop you from doing something because he thinks you're weak? When has he laughed at your determination or not listened to your plans because he thinks you're naïve? Give me one time."

Louis doesn't have an answer once again. He bites his thumbnail uncomfortably and closes his eyes, because he feels something wet burn in the corners of them and he can't do this now.

"I figured," Niall nods, taking the fairy's silence as confirmation. "It's what you need. You need someone to show you the bad, just like Harry needs someone to show him the good, because without the other, neither can exist."

The fairy feels extremely small in his seat. Thoughts are whirling and twirling inside his head, making him dizzy and nauseous. This isn't at all what he's planned, his plan was to get some kind of confirmation that he wasn't actually catching feelings for Harry so he could finally move on with his life and stop being so confused, but this... This is the blatant opposite, and he can't even help it.

He thinks of Harry, he thinks of how the spirit tells him things he doesn't tell anyone else, he thinks of soft touches and patient words, he thinks of how he made that earth human cry and gasp for air because he disrespected Louis, he thinks of how he's slowly started to hand out tiny compliments and give Zayn a chance because Louis wants him to acknowledge the good in people.

And Louis thinks of himself, his want to know more about Harry, his determination to help him, his cuddling and his handholding and his stupid fucking kissing, how he trusts Harry with everything and how safe he feels, and. And. And.

"You know," Niall says carefully. "I have actually never seen two creatures so obviously being two halves of a whole before."

And god, Louis is so royally fucked.

"Niall," he whimpers, fighting back tears because this has been so much to push away, to hold back, suppress, suppress, suppress, and it's all been building up for what feels like forever and fuck. "Niall, what do I do?"

Niall, clearly noticing how distressed this is making his friend, inches closer and puts his arms around Louis. Holds him there, holds him still, and Louis lets himself be held because he feels like without the warm pressure of another comforting body keeping him grounded he might just fall apart altogether.

"You accept it," the cupid says, stroking a hand comfortably up and down Louis' back. "You just accept it."

Notes:

:D
i cannot belieb things are Happening

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