Run || Bertholdt Hoover x Reader

Run. Part Three.

You couldn't focus on those memories though, they'd do nothing but make you upset if this didn't end well. "Did you ever love me?" Your voice cracked and as much as you'd been able to hold it in before you couldn't stop yourself from tearing up. You needed him to say yes, you wanted him to say yes. "Was any of it ever real?" This was the man you loved more than anything, you gave up everything to follow him here and now it was the moment of truth.

"What?" Your eyes were on him in an instant, he was looking at you like you were crazy. "Do you really think that I would... lie about that?" Every part of you wanted to be relieved by that and there was a part of you that was. But the fact that there were so many other lies, it wasn't something you could accept so quickly. Even if you wanted to. "Do... do you really think that?"

Wiping the tears that started falling you let out a shaking laugh, "I don't know anything about you Bertholdt—"

"You do!" He grabbed your hands and held them, the fear he'd had before of touching you apparently gone. "I told you everything I could, more than I've told anyone. You know things that not even Reiner or Annie know." How he could tell you everything but leave out the fact that he was a titan, the fact that he was from somewhere that you knew nothing about? It didn't make sense. "I never really lied to you. I couldn't tell you everything but I didn't lie. You know more than anyone else was ever supposed to." You couldn't stop the tears anymore, even if you wanted to he was holding your hands in his large ones. "Every time they told me not to let it get this far I promised I wouldn't but it did."

Hearing him talk like this should be making you happy, all too often he kept his feelings inside. It wasn't like he didn't tell you he loved you or how much you meant to him. But every time he started Bertholdt stopped himself from saying too much. Like he was afraid if he didn't stop he was going to confess. Maybe if he didn't stop himself like he did he'd end up telling you everything, confessing everything to you about who he was and what he'd done. Would that have made any difference now? What would you have done if he did tell you before? You supposed the fact that you were standing here now told you what you needed to know. You'd have followed him.

His hands were shaking as they held onto yours and your first instinct was to comfort him but you had to stop yourself. You couldn't get the answers you needed if you held onto him instead of forcing this talk. Things would be so much easier if you could just fall into him, you wanted to just be held and told everything would be okay. Nothing was ever that simple in this world.

Grounding yourself in the feeling of his hands you focused on reality and not the dream world you wanted to go off into. The callouses on his hands, the warmth, his long fingers running over the tops of yours. "Why did you? If you knew you were just going to leave me like this why did you even bother getting close to me? You told me you had a future with me but on the wall you." Again you thought about Ymir trying to bring Christa with her, that she'd been willing to do anything to get the other woman with her. "You didn't even look at me."

You never wanted to see him upset but the look of guilt that passed over his face did give you a type of satisfaction. "I did want that." Shaking his head Bertholdt stuttered for a moment, "I do want that." That was what you wanted to believe, you wanted to have a future with him, "I wanted to tell you. I wanted you know the truth but how do I say that? How do I tell you the truth about what I am? The things I've done." You'd lived in Wall Maria, it was because of their actions that you lost your home, your father.

Everything in you was telling you that you should hate him but you couldn't. Bertholdt was everything to you and you knew that. Even standing here, with him telling you that he'd done horrible things, after seeing him kill one of the scouts you both knew. He was what you wanted, you'd do anything for him. All you could do was hope that he would still do the same for you. You didn't know how to tell him that you didn't care about that, because it wasn't the entire truth. He'd done terrible things, killed so many people but the love you felt for him... that was more important to you.

Moving your hands up his arms he stared at you as you gripped his arms tightly. You didn't really know what you were doing, you were just desperate for some kind of contact. This man was the reason you were out here, why you risked your life and betrayed your friends and comrades. "I love you. I want to be with you I don't... I don't care about that." His green eyes were wide as he looked at you, your hands desperately gripping his arms, you were sure there would be nail marks on his skin. "But if you want me to go then I will. Just tell me and you'll never see me again. I'll leave and no one will know where you guys are."

A plea for either acceptance or an easier rejection. As long as he let you leave if he wanted you gone you could handle it. Death was the other option. The worst one, the one that scared you the most when you decided to follow him. Burying your face in his chest you waited for him to say something, anything. You loved him enough to forgive him for everything he'd ever done wrong. He just needed to love you enough to believe you.

Long arms wrapped around you, pulling you against his chest. Slowly you let go of his arms and pressed your palms against his chest holding onto his sweater. "I love you." You'd never heard him say it so clearly before, so confidently. "I'll figure out how to take you home with me. I promise."