stay with me

Chapter 18

"I thought about not going and just staying here but I know that that would just break my mom's heart and I couldn't do that to her" I say and I feel a sad smile creep onto my face as I think about my mom.

"Well as much as I would love to have you here with me I think it is good you go home and see them. They sound like great people" he says as he takes a step closer to me and picks up a lock of my hair and twirls it in his fingers. "But I am going to miss you" he whispers so quietly I can barely hear him and I can tell the words were hard for him to say. This is one of those moments when we need to be scared together I remind myself.

"I'll miss you too" I say back my voice coming out surprisingly strong. We stand there together not saying a word for I'm not sure how long. Seconds? Minutes? Hours? This is one of those perfect moments I want to remember, because in this moment I'm just a girl and Hunter is just a boy and none of the other bad stuff exists. I'm staring up into his beautiful light blue eyes and once again today I can see the swirls of silver that are mixed in them. The large amount of sadness that I usually see in them is noticeably less today and that makes me happy. I want him to be happy.

"What time do you leave tomorrow?" he finally asks breaking the perfect moment we were having.

"Around 3:30 or 4:00 in the afternoon" I say once I regain my composure and steady my pulse which was racing.

"Good" he says seemingly satisfied. "I can come by and say goodbye before then. I was worried I would miss you."

"I'd like that" I say with a smile. I love how when I'm around him smiling comes easy. For a year and a half I had to force myself to smile, it felt nice to be able to finally do it willingly.

I finish packing and Hunter ends up staying for dinner with Sam and I and Daniel comes over too. Sam and Daniel seem really happy with one another and I know she's dreading leaving him for the rest of the week, but at least we'll have each other. I'm dreading leaving Hunter just about as much as I'm dreading going home but I try to remain positive anyway. It's only for a few days I tell myself. I can handle that.

When it gets to be about nine O'clock Hunter and Daniel decide to be on their way and I'm happy when Hunter plants a soft sweet kiss on my lips when he tells me goodbye. Once they are gone I get ready for bed and I pray that tonight sleep will come easy but I know that it won't. I'm too anxious about going home tomorrow. The past two weeks the nightmares have been surprisingly not as bad as they usually are. I mean don't get me wrong I still wake up screaming most nights but instead of three times a night it is happening only once or twice. As I toss and turn trying to fall asleep I know that tonight the nightmares are going to be off the Richter scale.

I was right about the nightmares. They were absolutely awful last night. I woke up screaming four times. I think I managed to get only about two hours of undisturbed sleep. I was going to be exhausted today but at least that meant that I would probably be able to sleep through the ride home. That made me happy at least. I hated the nearly four hour car ride I had to endure in order to get from school to home. It was torture. Just the idea of being in a car made me feel like I couldn't breathe. For every car ride since the accident I had to be given a sedative so that I would remain calm or pass out that's how bad it is.

I woke up at four this morning and I knew I wasn't going to be able to go back to sleep so as usual I went for a run. The cool crisp November air nips at my skin as I step outside and it pricks my lungs as I breathe it in. Today is one of those days when I feel like I could run forever. My feet and legs just don't seem to get tired and I don't ever seem to be short of breath. I love it. I've been running for nearly an hour as I pass by Hunter's apartment building for the second time and I stop outside of it. I think about how he is probably sleeping soundly inside and the idea makes me smile. I hope he's having good dreams. I wish I could go inside and snuggle up next to him but sadly I don't know which apartment is his. I've never been over to his place. It doesn't really bother me though that he has invited me over. I know he will when he's ready. I just need to be patient.