enchanted [toni shalifoe, the wilds]

day one - night

Ten really did become nine when the girls stood around Jeanette's grave on the first night. Leah and Nora insisted that she liked P!nk, which made Ava slightly sad that she'd never had the chance to discuss only one of the greatest singers of all time with her. She scolded herself at this thought, because she that the reality of becoming close with someone here was dark. Unwanted. She had to avoid it.

They walked back to the base camp in silence, perhaps out of respect. Ava was trying to listen to music in her head, but there was this unshakeable, eerie feeling that somebody was watching her. She tried to shrug it off, until Dot approached her.

"Why didn't you tell me about this before!" She asked abruptly, furrowing her eyebrows in slight annoyance, slight pity.

Ava was confused for a minute, before Dot nodded towards her arm. Ava sighed in frustration.

"I was going to deal with it myself, you know, before a girl fucking died a metre away from me." She snapped, moving her arm towards herself, away from Dot. Dot raised her eyebrows and walked faster past her. Ava sighed again, this time in both relief and confusion. She could have really used the help. Damn.

Everyone was scattered around the fire that Dot had just started. Obviously, Toni and Martha sat together as if each other's touch was the very thing keeping them alive. Maybe it was, how was Ava to know or relate. Something that Ava noticed was how Nora was always watching her sister. It looked like Nora would do anything for her twin. Ava wished that her person was on the island too- always watching over her in case anything was to happen. She wished she had that person in the first place.

"Here you go, girly." Ava heard Shelby say, and looked over to where the Texan offered Martha a drink. This amazed Ava; she would never give someone she just met on an island one of her drink rations. Not anymore at least.

Martha looked at Shelby as if she'd just offered her a plane ticket off the very bloody island. Toni scoffed, and rolled her eyes. For once, Ava struggled to hold back a smirk. God, it was so obvious how protective of Martha she was it was practically laughable.

Toni caught this smirk, and furrowed her eyebrows at Ava. Ava held her gaze and cocked her head, knowing that it would anger Toni more. She was right. Of course she was right.

"Why don't you focus on your own problems, like that fucking arm that you won't let anyone near, and I'll focus on mine. Got that?" She growled, causing Shelby to jump slightly and Fatin to roll her eyes.

"If you guys are gonna bitch at each other, go do it somewhere else." Fatin exasperated, sifting through her suitcase that had washed up a few hours ago. Dot was trying to chide in and help her, and Fatin kept shooing her away. Somehow it felt relatable to Ava, but she wasn't about to delve into her own issues when a short brunette with anger issues was inciting an argument.

"At least my problem isn't turning my best friend against someone who's actually being helpful," she shot back, raising her eyebrows. She met Toni's eyes that were swirling with rage, "I don't see you offering her drinks, I see you sat on your arse rolling your eyes."

The last comment tipped Toni over the edge, and she stumbled to her feet angrily. Everyone else was glued to the encounter at this point, even Leah had put her book down in anticipation.

"Fuck you."

"Is that the best you can do? I kind of expected something that hurt more than that."

Toni was about to reply, before she caught herself. She curled her fists tight, her nails digging into the raw and red flesh. This feeling of overpowering rage was like a fire, Ava was tossing more and more tinder onto the flame. Toni had to hold onto everything she'd built to restrain from combusting.

Soon the brunette was a tiny figure in the distance, stomping away into the darkness. Ava felt like kicking herself. She didn't like pushing people away, but it was sort of a natural instinct after what happened. She knew that she could never ever trust someone that much. She told herself that an island, of all places, definitely wasn't the place to be building bridges- even if the loneliness was slowly starting to eat her alive.

"Well," Fatin exclaimed out into the silence, "at least the entertainment here doesn't suck ass." She smiled, and grabbed her electric toothbrush out of Dot's inventory, much to Dot's annoyance.

"And there we have it, ladies and gentlemen. Craig, one. Shalifoe, nul. The island's resident musician with walls thicker than Dot's closet walls prevails."

"Oh for God's sake, I'm not gay, Fatin! I'm starting to think you wish I was gay!" Dot retorted wearily, although everyone could see that she was holding back a grin.

Fatin rolled her eyes, "is this the first fight of the season or she will be forever victorious?"

Everyone laughed, even Ava let out a small chuckle and stared into the sky for a moment.

"Hey, how did you know I'm a musician?" She quipped, turning her head to face the group once again.

"I saw you loading a guitar onto the jet while I was boarding. I really like the stickers on it." Nora chided in, smiling genuinely at Ava. Something about Nora's smile almost melted Ava. Almost.

The others nodded in agreement, all saying something along the lines of assuming based on Ava herself. Ava herself supposed she wasn't exactly doing herself any favours. Her brown hair was pin straight and had pink strands, like she was Avril Lavigne in 2007. Her phone, which she missed so fucking much, was plastered in Taylor Swift and guitar stickers.

"Wherever it is, it's having a way better than me right now." She mused through gritted teeth, the other girls disappointed but not surprised that her walls were still up.

Shelby got to her feet, breaking the subdued silence that Ava had created- and had been enjoying. Everyone was beginning to be grateful for Shelby's whole 'Youth counsellor' attitude to the current situation. Between Jeanette's death and Ava's inability to cooperate, they all welcomed the feeling of actually being on a feminist retreat.

"Would it be so silly for me to suggest a game?" Shelby cautioned, trying to detect any enthusiasm amongst the girls- if that ever was to stop her anyway. "Never have I ever... feels right."

-

Toni leant against a tree deep in the wilds. She'd just walked and walked and walked, the further away the better because as she'd always said: when you're alone, the only person you can hurt is yourself- that's safe. Even before that night where she accidentally hit her ex, she knew that alone was the safest place you could be. It was only amplified since then.

It didn't help that Ava was one of the most... enigmatic girls she'd ever met. She put this front on, that she was so tough and independent but Toni knew there was a whole other person underneath this façade she'd installed. The only problem with getting close to someone was that there was the possibility that you could hurt them.

In that sense, both girls were the same. They both were under the impression that was alone was better. Alone meant that you didn't have to vulnerable and trust someone, because trust always seemed so temperamental. That was literally proven when they were on the first night in the hellhole and Martha was acting like Shelby Goodkind was Mary fucking Poppins.

Toni chucked a rock at a nearby tree, desperate to get her anger out somehow. She was alone, but it didn't feel nearly as good as it used to. She hated to admit that she was lonely, but it lonely without her best friend. She'd been feeling lonely before even going on the supposed retreat, she just pushed it away because the thought of hurting someone she loved again was unbearable. She was able to push it away and distract herself with school and basketball- well, before she got kicked off the team.

But now, she was on an island. There was no distractions left for her to chuck herself into. She just had to grow a pair of balls and try to make the best of the bad situation.

"Help me God if I hurt anyone. Especially her." She breathed into the night, and straightened her back. And she took a deep breath, which was really hard for her honestly, and she walked back to face her fear.