Pray for the Wicked | ATEEZ

34.

I was scratching and scrubbing my hands to the point where the cuts from my nails could no longer be washed away by the hot water from the tap as it trickled down the broken skin, trying to rub off the memories of what we had seen, of the bones we had stepped on, the graves we had disturbed.

And yet, despite my efforts, despite the pain, they still felt dirty, tainted, rotten-

I was shaken from my thoughts as Hongjoong suddenly came up from behind me, my gaze focused on my hands instead of the mirror as he materialized in the previously lonely reflection of myself, and carefully slipped his own hands into the water as well, cupping mine.

His closeness sent a shiver down my back like an icy cold thrill, and I froze for a moment only to melt into his touch.

I silently watched as he carefully washed my hands off, nimble fingers trailing across the red skin before pulling them out, disappearing for a moment only to reappear, in front of me this time, with a towel to dry them.

"Dahlia,"

I fought the urge to look at him, forcing myself to stare at the towel instead only he seemed to notice and stopped for a moment, now just holding my hands wrapped in the soft layer of warmth which I suddenly found myself disliking, despising, for keeping us apart.

"I know it's not my fault," I mumbled because I knew it was what he wanted to hear.

I could tell that he was smiling, softly, tenderly, as he asked, "Why are you blaming yourself, then?"

My teeth sank into my lip as I opted for silence. Because I did. I couldn't help it.

"My beautiful little liar," Hongjoong whispered, and that was all it took.

Almost instantly, my eyes were on his, a flicker of suppressed sadness  quickly disappearing into their dark depths as he straightened himself and said, "It's not your fault."

"What do we do from here on, then?" I asked to which the son of Lilith simply sighed, folding up the towel and turning his back to me for a moment, leaving my hands cold and shaky only for them to fall limply to my sides as he continued, "I'll have to talk to the others about it, but we'll figure it out, I promise. As long as you make sure to stay safe and-"

"Wait-" I frowned, interrupting him. My throat went dry as I, with a sinking sensation in my heart, realized what he was saying. "You're leaving?" I asked as he turned to me.

"I have to," the demon said, locks of cerulean blue tumbling into his forehead as he ran a hand through his hair. A habit, one that made me want to run my hands through that ocean as well.

I shook my head, watching him in disbelief. Because this wasn't right. This wasn't how it was supposed to end.

"You can't," I said, and I hated myself for sounding needy, for sounding weak and powerless as I desperately searched for an excuse that would make him stay with me. I carefully made my way over to him, slowly closing the distance between us as if a single wrong move would make him run away.

Because he couldn't leave me, not yet.

"We haven't found the Lunar Flame yet," was all I could say.

Because I couldn't let him go, not yet.

"Weren't you the one who was insisting, almost desperately, hectically, that I went back to Odeion after five days? Weren't you the one who wanted me out of Heaven only a few days ago?" Hongjoong asked, a weak smile tugging at the corners of his lips in an attempt to hide something else.

"But it wouldn't be right. I made a promise, I- What about Odeion?" I continued, wanting him to see, to understand. Wanting him to stay.

Because I needed him and I wanted him to need me as well.