something to facilitate venting

beauty in the broken

There is a beauty in the broken; a beauty in pain; a brilliance in the sadness. There is passion within hatred; a beauty in the fear; a brilliance in the disenchanted.

The strangled masses yearn to be accepted, yearn to be loved. Where is the love? The heart? I can't find it...

Why can't I find it? Why isn't it there? Always with the 'why' for me. I always feel it. The passion of hate. Why do I hate you? I think I loved you once. All I feel is cold. Like my very soul iced over when I see your face.

This isn't normal; this isn't right. Why does it come to me so naturally to hate one who I once loved? Was it the pain you made me feel? Was I too broken even for you?

I was drowning in sorrow. You tried to save me. I dragged you down with me. I broke you, too, didn't I?

No! Don't you fucking dare! Don't even try to pretend that it was your fault. If anyone is to blame it is me! You weren't the one who hurt me. I was the one who was drowning! Maybe you should have let me die.

You would have never let me drown. You wanted me to see that life was worth living. You did, didn't you? Well you saved me, but at what cost? You made me resent you. You made me feel pain. You showed me the fiery passion of hate. I'll ask again: was it worth it?

I loved you. But I loved hating you more.

It's been five and a half years. I don't think I will ever forget how you saved my life and how much I hated you for it. Did I ever actually love you?