Forever and Always

Chapter Five {Part 2}

"If you can't sleep because of them, they're as bad as before," he tells me. "Is it the same things, or new?"

"Both." I bury my head in my knees, and mumble, "I hate talking about this."

"I know, buddy." Josiah rubs my back and shoulders, the weight of his hand comforting. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

I raise my head to see over my kneecaps. "What do you want to know?"

"I want to know if you're okay, but I already have the answer to that," he sighs. "Did you tell Jackson?"

"Not exactly." I think back to the nights I spent curled up in my brother's arms. "He figured it out on his own, I think. It couldn't have been hard to tell."

Josiah's hand stops. "Did you sleep alone last night?"

I hesitate, then nod. "Jackson let me stay with him before that, but I didn't want anyone to know so I had to sleep alone yesterday."

Josiah tilts his head. "What?"

I sit up again. "If Donavan is supposed to sleep in our room--I mean, my room--I mean, me and Kennedy's but it's mine now--"

"Slow down," Josiah interrupts. "I know what you mean."

"Okay." I take a deep breath. "If he's sleeping there, he'll know if I go to Jackson. And then he'll want to talk to me about it like some freaking therapist or he'll tell the other boys and they'll have their stupid therapy sessions and Dylan will make fun of me because he thinks it's fun? And Jackson will worry about me even more which is the last thing anyone needs right now, or ever--" I pause, gulping in fresh air.

"Love, you need to stop," Josiah says before I can start again. His tone is gentle but firm. "Calm down, take a breath."

I nod and swallow hard. My legs are bouncing up and down, and Josiah reaches over to touch my hand. Instinctively, I grab his fingers and hold on tight. He doesn't let go, and my hand slides into his, our palms all but glued together.

"It's okay," he says softly, brushing his thumb over the back of my hand. "You're okay."

I nod again, my heart rate slowing to normal. My breath is still shaky, though, and I lean my head on Josiah's shoulder.

"You're amazing," he says, wrapping his free arm around me.

"I'm not, but thanks." I give him a half-hearted smile.

"You're freaking amazing, Sav." Josiah pulls me closer, and I relax.

"So are you." I lift my head and almost smile for real this time.

The sky is growing darker, stars beginning to glimmer above us. The crickets will be singing soon, joined by the sound of passing cars, barking dogs, and late-night laughter from the neighbors. Sound carries far in the night.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see a pair of golden eyes drawing closer. Wait, no, not eyes. . . I lean forward, squinting.

"Headlights!" I spring to my feet and dive off the steps.

"Sav!" Josiah catches my arm before I can faceplant in the rocks. "Good grief, don't hurt yourself!"

"Donavan's home, Josiah!" I wriggle away and dash to the front gate as the headlights come into better view. Now I can see the black pickup truck, and in the passenger seat--

"DONAVAN'S HOME." The shout comes from behind me, and in seconds, a flood of guys is pouring from the front door. The dogs bound out with them, barking and yapping as Jackson's truck pulls up to the gate.

Jackson leans out to punch in the passcode, and the gates swing open a second later, letting him through. He parks several yards away, and the passenger door swings open.

Donavan steps out, dressed in full uniform from his combat boots to his Marines cap. The second I see him, my legs snap into action. "Donavan!" I fly into his outstretched arms, and he crushes me in a hug. "I missed you," I say into his shoulder. My toes are barely brushing the ground, but I don't mind.

"I missed you more." Donavan kisses my temple and sets me down. He lifts my chin so I'm looking him in the eyes. "Are you okay?"

"Not really." I swing my arms, feeling awkward. "Are you?"

"I. . ." Donavan lets go of my chin and hugs me again. "I'll be okay," he murmurs into my hair. "Everyone will."

I nod, then gently push him away. "I know."

"Donavan!" Eli calls, and I step aside as the others come to greet my brother. I slowly back away from the group, not wanting to be smothered by ten boys.

Shawn slips out a moment later and runs his hands through his hair, muttering to himself. I watch him for a second, then venture, "Shawn?"

He looks up sharply, his shoulders tensing at the sound. He relaxes when he sees me, though.

There's an awkward pause before I ask, "Are you okay?"

Shawn shrugs and chews on his lip, then shoves his hand into his pockets. He glances at the group of guys, then turns and walks off. I open my mouth, ready to call after him, then hesitate. Should I leave him be? He clearly doesn't want to talk, but is it good for him to be alone so much? I have a bad feeling about his silence. Something is wrong, I can tell.

"Hey, Shawn, where are you going?" Donavan calls after him. The group has thinned out now, the hellos finished. Shawn ignores him and keeps walking, disappearing into the house a moment later.

Donavan frowns at the door. "What's his problem?"

"He hasn't said anything since the Accident," I speak up, twisting my hands.

Donavan turns his frown to me, his eyes flashing with annoyance and anger. "Nothing?"

"Nothing," I confirm. "He won't even smile or laugh or anything. He just stays in his room and sometimes he doesn't eat and--" I stop, my cheeks flushing. Maybe I shouldn't have said so much.

"Are you serious?" Donavan demands, and I shrink back.

"Yeah," I reply, feeling suddenly unsure of myself.

Donavan's jaw sets, making me even more unsure. "Jackson, you didn't tell me that!" He looks accusingly at Jackson, who holds up his hands.

"I didn't think it was important. It would just worry you, and what good would that do?" Jackson sighs. "Yes, he's been quiet, but he'll talk soon, I'm sure."

"In other words, you don't know but you hope so," Donavan clarifies. He sighs, too, but his sigh is one of frustration. "I wish you'd said something."

"Well, now you know. What good is it going to do?" Jackson asks.

"Maybe if I talk to him, I can help," Donavan says. "You never know!"

"All right calm down, both of you," Luke breaks in. "Now you know, Donavan, it's fine. So let it go, okay? Let's get your stuff inside."

"Yeah, sure." Donavan throws another glance at the house, and this time, his eyes are sad.

this was a shorter one. how did it go? what do you think of donavan?

thanks for reading! 💜