Fatal Flaw

CH.23-- Keep breathing

"Enough you guys! Shut up! Please!" I screamt all my pain, regret and frustration showing up and when they finally did keep quiet I looked at them and said,"I know a sorry won't cut it but trust me I never meant any harm to Ryan. The only thing on my mind was saving his life Thalia.I swear but its also true that for some reason he didn't let me bear the brunt and its most foolish thing though I know he cares though its not love and that I'm sure Jake! I know I screwed up majorly but I am taking responsibilty for all of it and I promise I'll get him out of that hell hole, I will. " Neither of them looked convinced but I had said what I had to and when I thought I finally had one moment of peace I heard my phone ring and it was one of my interns saying," Dr. Evans you're wanted at here immediately, we have a criminal inmate showing signs of cardiac arrest. This is a high profile case and you're the one assigned to it. Patient's name is Ryan Callaway, age is ..." I couldn't hear anymore because my brain had simply blocked her out. Ryan had a cardiac arrest. Ryan. Ryan! I must have faltered because Jake caught me by my arm and asked,"Elena! What happened? Are you okay?" I spluttered out,"Its Ryan. Ryan ..." "What about Ryan? Is he alright!?" Thalia asked feverishly and I replied,"He's had a heart attack and he's at NOCH being treated as we speak. I.. I need to go! He needs me.. Ryan needs me!" I don't know what happened anymore or how, all I was focussing on was getting to Ryan Callaway and saving him.

"The patient's stats are back to normal. Its like nothing happened and whatever it was it wasn't a cardiac arrest." says Sara, one of my interns and I reply back,"But something did happen. The tests show abnormal heart activity and all symptoms of a cardiac attack were evident. Nothing could cause such signs otherwise. The paramedic at the jail confirmed so. There is a link we're missing here. Did you speak to the police officials? Any signs of recent interrogation, beatings, anything at all? " "No Doctor, none at all though in such a case the only thing that seems plausible to me is emotional stress. Though since we have no patient history and the officers refuse to divulge details about the case I can't fathom why. " Sara says and then leaves to get on to other work and I realise as piece by piece fits into the puzzle and I figure out the reason for all this. "Alex. It was her you were thinking of before weren't you?" I ask to a pretend sleeping Ryan and he shrugs and says,"Ofcourse not, why would I think of her? And why are you grilling me? Its all fine now! There was nothing wrong with me cheer up!" "You have a stress cardio myopathy. Know what that means? It means Alex and it means you've been through this before and you just haven't told anyone. I don't know what you were thinking of or feeling exactly but its some thought of hers that gives you a rush of adrenaline, your pressure rises, you have chest pains and your heart feels the burden. You grieve and your heart mourns along. " Ryan looks at me, sighs and says,"You're right. This is the 7th time this has happened even though the last time was more than 6 months before. I usually manage to block it out, not think about it. Most memories have been happy ones and the others I've learnt to live with them but the ... seeing her die.. again and again.. it gets me everytime. I thought I could make it and that I was strong enough but apparently it ain't so. " I could see in his eyes and hear the moniter as it beeped loudly and got back to normal with him just talking about it, how it must feel God only knows! "I understand Ryan, You don't need to talk about it, I get it but it doesn't mean you're weak or vulnerable. You are one strong guy and not just I but Alex believe in you. Infact if there's a coward its me, I couldn't even take responsibility for my own actions! Who does that huh? Me!" "Hey you know that isn't the case. Elena! Stop blaming yourself! " Ryan says and hold my hand as I turn to leave but thats when a rather miffed Thalia steps in and says," Doctor may I?" "He's perfectly normal and will be discharged in awhile though the police have been notified otherwise and he's been left on a agreement since they wanted to take the credit for the death of one the nation's most wanted criminals for themselves and anyways there is only situational evidence also not only Ryan but I confessed to the crime so its complex and now labelled as an act of self defense anyway. Though the major advantage was his medical condition which gave everyone the loophole they were searching for and I as Attending Doctor at NOCH have attested to it. All is good and the patient  is all yours now." I tell her and leave as quickly as possible knowing that I no longer belong here and the faster I was outta here the better.

Its the second time I'm in this position where in I'm leaving since I wasn't needed here in the first place and the fact that I love the place, its people and everything about makes it hard just as hard maybe worse than even leaving SJM felt but I had to do it and it was for the best afterall, everyone would be happy , everyone but me ofcourse but I guess I'm just getting used to this hence the quiet sobs instead of a loud and tearful goodbye, well atleast something's gotten better.

I was walking on the road making sure I don't make the mistake of looking behind because I knew that if anything I'd just make it harder to leave. Where I was going, what I would do I had no idea. As of now walking on this empty road where no one knew me, where no one would notice me crying seemed like a good way to go. I was thinking of today morning when everything was alright and I visualised Ryan and me sleeping on the road and before I knew what I was doing, I lay down on the road staring into the vast sky where in the patterns of the clouds I saw all my dreams come true.

Jake's POV

I focussed on the road ahead blocking all my thoughts. I didn't want to think of what had just happened between Thalia and me. I had done what I had to, it was the right thing and now there was no going back. I am not guilty and nor is Elena and now my only plan is to find her and convince her of that. I was on my way home knowing that's the only place she'd be if not the hospital and sides we both had to move out of there as soon as possible. With that determination I pressed on the accelerator as I took the short cut and got onto a relatively empty road and it was only because I was so obsessed with blocking everything but the road that I noticed the glaring orange that stood out against the black road..what was that in the middle of the road? Rather who was that!? I screeched my car to a halt just in time glad the german engineering was smooth enough to save a life and then got out to see who was stupid enough to lie on a New Ostden road in the middle of the day! And there I saw someone I ironically called the smartest girl in my batch," Elena!?"

Elena's POV

I had no clue how Jake had come to find me and now that all the shouting at me for being so careless was over an eery silence filled the car as I sat gazing out the window still unable to place anything together. It was only when we were nearing home that I cried out,"No! We can't. I..I'm not going back in there. I have to leave..stop the car and let  me go. Let me.." Jake caught my arm and said  firmly,"We are not going back there. You don't have to enter the house, I'll take our stuff and you wait right outside and then we can go alright? We will leave as soon as I'm done." Despite my brain's overworked and frazzled state if something made me alert was the fact that he said we and so I looked at him and asked,"Why did you say we? You're not going anywhere.. you're not leaving your own house or your fiancee. Only I am." "No, we both are. It was never my house and nor is Thalia my fiancee anymore so I guess we both don't belong there anymore. " he said and despite the attempt at holding a poker face he couldn't hide the hurt in his eyes as he spoke her name aloud and this wasn't good, this wasn't right.

Forget my troubles, this was definitely the more pressing issue here and so I willed myself back to being normal as pressed on the brakes, took on control and looked him in the eye and demanded an answer,"Jake! What did you two do? What were you'll thinking of? What happened between the two of you?" He spoke about it, haltingly, hurtingly but he managed to come clean. He told me everything right from where I'd stormd out and seeing that made him upset thinking that it was Thalia that had purposely pinpointed on me and then how she had come out once Ryan was sedated all happy that everything was fine forgetting the rest that had happened like "All the sacrifices you made didn't matter at all" that were Jake's exact words to me as he then went on to how they got into a quarrel once again just like they had at home but this time instead of me shutting them up it had gone up to Jake telling Thalia that he no longer thought they were as alike as seemed and that all she cared was her Ryan and her sister. "She was stuck to it,glued to the past not wanting to look ahead!" he said and that was when he'd called off their engagement and the best of all even though there was a tiny part hoping she'd prove him wrong she said that was the best they could do and returned the ring that had adorned her hand just for a little more than 24 hours now. "That is it." he said and I tried my best not to let my disappointment and helplessness show as I put all my personal problems on the back burner and concentrated on how I could convince him to go back on his decision and all I could do was hope that on the other side Ryan was doing the same, doing what we started at..helping  Jake and Thalia get together.