It Started With Cadet Training (Reader/Levi/Erwin/Hange/Mike)

Guilt

"Lance? How bad is it?" Mike rasps, catching your attention as you look over to him, giving him a weak, trembling smile.

"Don't worry, you're fine. The titan's barely nicked you," you try and convince him, the bile building up in your throat as you dig through the medical bag for a tourniquet.

He rests a hand on your shoulder, wincing at the pain that shoots through his ribs.
"Cap, I can't feel my leg. How bad is it?" he asks again, forcing tears to well up in the corners of your eyes.

Thankfully, your saving grace is Hange landing down next to you as the carriage takes off running back to the wall. They place a hand on your shoulder, giving you a nod with a blank expression painted across their face.

"Erwin and Levi?" you whisper to them as they sit near Mike's head.

"We're here brat, just focus on Mike," Levi orders from the horse riding next to the carriage. Looking up you see him and Erwin flanking the cart.

A breath you hadn't realized you were holding in leaves your lungs as you position yourself across Mike's leg.

"Mike, this is going to hurt," you say, looking him in the eyes. He stares back at you, nodding his head slowly.

"Am I going to die?" he whispers quietly, his eyes wide with eyebrows furrowed together. There are small tears in the corners of his eyes, threatening to spill down his cheeks.

"Hold my hand. You're going to be fine," Hange interjects, saving you from the pang in your chest and giving you time to pull back his shredded pant leg from his skin.

The words rang through your ears like the roar of a titan. You said them to force both yourself and him to believe you. It wasn't working.

It's worse than you first thought, jagged and rough. There's no saving it from infection with what you have unless you removed the part with a sterile blade. Moving your hand down, you check your own blades, coming up empty. You're out.

"Erwin, do you have a spare blade?" you sign to him, hoping that Hange keeps Mike distracted.

"You're going to need someone to hold him down," he signs back.

"Can you?"

"Hange, switch out with me," Erwin barks, giving you a curt nod. You watch as your squad pulls Erwin's horse up to the side of the cart so that he can pull Hange into his lap, and then pull himself into the cart thanks to your hand.

Casually, he sits down one of his blades next to you as he settles across Mike's chest. For your sanity, he faces Mike.

Clicking the blade into place, you set your hand down on Mike's remaining thigh.
"Mike, take a deep breath for me. Okay?"

"W-what?" Mike squeaks, his normally calm resolve replaced with a wavering, unchecked fear.

You don't answer him, taking too long can make it worse. The blade cuts through his skin easier than it does titan, even the bone is easy to slice. Your hands start to shake when another blood-curdling scream cuts through the air. It's more pained than before as Mike bucks under Erwin, smashing his damaged ribs against him.

You fight your shaking hands as you discard the blade and the removed flesh. This is your fault. If you hadn't dragged him into this he wouldn't be here. He'd be safe and whole. Not missing a leg.

Silently, you stare at Mike's bleeding leg, trying to reclaim yourself from the tears stinging your eye. A heavy thud and someone lands down beside you, turning your head your hands are caught by the steady, cold hands of Levi.