TAMARA | COMPLETED

Chapter 21

"I'm sorry for barging in like this without making an appointment but I needed to talk to you." She put away her phone and concentrated on what I was saying. "I think I'm bisexual."

"So you finally realised" I looked at her confused "I knew. You couldn't stop yourself from checking me out every time you came here for sessions." I chuckled. "How do you feel about what you've discovered about yourself?"

"I don't know Doc. I'm confused I convinced myself I was straight all along." I sighed "a few minutes ago I gave my nanny an orgasm without even fucking her" she laughed at me. "Stop it's not funny"

"So you touched her erogenous zones? That's normal" okay I know that, I'm a science student.

"Yeah but I think I'm losing it. I kissed Darin the other day and that kiss did things to me and my body I don't even know. Gosh this is so confusing." She just giggled.

"Tamara listen you still haven't opened your heart yet. What you're doing now is what they call thinking with your dick" I laughed at her

"That was a good one Doc." I continued laughing.

"Now I see what is going on with you. You managed to see light and realised not everyone is out to get you but I can see you still closed your heart for those who can actually hurt you. Tamara I told you before you need to open it up and so you can let it choose who it wants, don't use your sexual attraction to choose your path in love. It doesn't work that way."

"Doc listen I don't think my heart wants anyone that's the problem." She shook her head.

"No you are only trying to convince yourself that don't want anyone but in actual fact your heart wants Darin. You have been in love with him since he left and now he's back and you've realised the feelings are much stronger which frightenes you. Whereas with the girls you're dominant and that's what you love most." She's telling the truth. "You think with a guy you'll lose dominance and you'll feel vulnerable so you try by all means to avoid vulnerability."

I sighed and twiddled my fingers. I thought about what she said for a minute.

"Okay you're right I love being in control in a relationship or hook up or whatever I'm doing. I love to be able to feel needed and pretend to not want the other person, I love having freedom of leaving it whenever I feel like. See the relationship with a guy thingy won't work with me." She laughed at me.

"Tamara that's all lust you're talking about not love. Take your best friend for instance. You never loved her if we're being honest, you loved the idea of having sex with her every time you wanted because you discovered it's fun and it helps you take your mind off things. As much as she was the first to initiate you just used her for fun. You only got angry she cheated on you because you thought they were having sex" she looked at me and I couldn't deny that, at the same time I felt guilty for using Jas like that.

"The moment you found out she hadn't done that you forgave her and you both reconciled till this day." I nodded. That's the day she told me Adam was a dicklimp. I snickered remembering that.

"So I've been doing the thinking with a dick thing?" She giggled while nodding.

"Tamara it's easy give Darin a chance and see if your dominance won't be needed somewhere because trust me it will be needed." I sighed.

"And what if you're wrong? What if I'm just not cut out to love anybody? What if the moment I let my guard down and let Darin in he hurts me?" She leaned closer and took both my hands to hers.

"Tamara, life is all about risks. You'll never know unless you try. You can even see it as testing yourself if you are now strong enough to not let fear detect how you live your life." I looked into her eyes.