Set in Qoaad when the spell is taken off him by Magnus. Angsttt
Word count: 397
Desire hurt.
Julian knew that from before, but when his emotions were gone, he only remembered the fact that it hurt, not the way it felt.
Lying in his room now, he stared at the ceiling.
Not think of Emma - how was he supposed to do that?
How, when every pore of his body ached for her touch, the whisper of soft skin and the taste of her, mint and tea, in his mouth.
So this was addiction - the craving, the needing Emma, even though he knew he couldn't have her, that she was walled from him.
Pain. Unending. This was why he'd had the spell put on him.
The calm before the storm.
And it was a storm - though his room was quiet and empty, only the sound of the sea in the background, Julian could only hear the rushing of wind, lashing of rain onto the ground, thunder in his ears.
Or was it his blood pumping, tears falling, heart racing?
He couldn't tell anymore.
He knew being with Emma could end up horrific.
They'd be monsters, torn from their souls and all morals stripped like the Marks of a traitor; he could end up killing his family and yet he wanted her, needed her, more than a starving person needed food.
Maybe not more.
Because a starving person would go to food when it was only a few rooms away, and yet here Julian stayed, being good, self-controlled, but it felt like torture.
It was getting-ready-for-bed time.
Usually he'd be busy, helping the kids, but Helen said she had it under control, leaving him alone with his thoughts, which he wasn't sure was a good idea.
Emma would be taking her hair down now, he thought, those soft fibers, strands of pale gold like an ethereal aura surrounding her, tumbling down over her shoulders and rippling down her back, ready for bed.
He wasn't sure whether, if she had her hair down all the time, it would still cause his body to shake when he saw it down at last, reaching almost to her waist and those beautiful hips, curved and strong under his hands.
He was being good, Julian told himself. He was protecting his family and Emma and himself by staying here.
And he was being good.
It was just hard to believe when it felt so heart-wrenchingly painful.
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FanfictionKitty, Jemma, Kierarktina, GwynxDiana, Ashilla, Clace, Malec, Sizzy, Haline Fluff, smut, angst, pls give suggestions and what ships you want to see more of! I am open also to doing ships not on the list, but those are my ships. chapters edited by @...
