Hold On To Me

Chapter 4

"It's okay." He whispered.

"Everyone was so upset with me, but I don't blame them. I'm upset with me. How could I let that happen? Now, I'm stuck here again. I can't stay home for another month. It will drive me crazy."

"You don't need to stay in the house. You can do whatever you want. Didn't you say that you wanted to learn how to repair a car? I can finally show you how to do that."

"You still remember that?" She asked with a little smile forming on her lips.

"I remember everything you ever told me Bey." Shawn said before kissing her forehead.

"I'll think about that. I'm going to make us dinner now." She stood up, looking a lot better than she did when he arrived.

"Okay. I'm gonna take my shower."

Shawn wasn't sure if staying home would be the best for his wife, but he didn't know if going to work was the right thing for her either.

*****

The next morning, Shawn walked into the kitchen to find his wife cooking. He wished he could see it as a good thing, like she was ready to start her day, but the truth was that she looked rather restless, like she just couldn't stay in bed.

"Morning." He said sitting down. "Did you sleep?"

"Just a little." She replied, without turning to face him.

"I'll have to g-"

"Its okay." She quickly cut him off. "I know you can't stop working, just because I can't work Or living." She mumbled the last part.

"You're my life." He said looking straight at her, but she was still avoiding her husbands eyes.

"So, you want coffee?" She said when the moment passed.

They had breakfast together and then Shawn gave his wife a kiss goodbye before walking out to his car.

Beyoncé desperately wanted him to stay, but at the same time, she couldn't stand being with him. She couldn't confess how much she needed him at every minute of the day, especially because she hated needing him. Sometimes she felt she actually hated him, or at least the fact that he didnt need her the same way.

She wished she could move on like he did, carry on like he did. She wished she was stronger. She wished she was able to let go. She wished so many thing she couldn't have, but most of all, she still wished her baby back, and that was why she couldn't get anything else.

"Beyoncé?" Shawn called out as soon as he stepped into the house at the end of the day.

He looked for her downstairs, but didn't find her and she didn't answer when he called. He quickly walked upstairs hoping to find her and finally he did, in the last room he looked. She was in the nursery, or what once was one, and she was painting the walls. His brother was supposed to do it, but they postponed so much, he ended up never doing it.

Bey had on some old clothes and there were white paint drops everywhere on her and the floor, but the walls looked good.

"What are you doing?" Shawn asked to get her attention.

Beyoncé turned around smiling. "Soon you'll have your office back. I know the walls were cream before, but I thought white would look better."

"I don't want" Shawn started to say that he didn't want his office back, but stopped when he saw the look on her face. "That's nice. Thank you." He said instead.

She smiled softly before turning around again to admire her work.

"I have something for you." Shawn said, remembering why he came in looking for her.