Neighbors {Corpsekkuno} HIATUS

Lonely

//TW: mentions of dissociation and puking

Holy shit I just realized I hit 5k reads. Thank you guys so much! 💕

***

My grip on the controller tightens.

"You're moving out already?"

We had been playing Mario Kart when Rae told me. I knew she would have to move into her new place soon, but didn't want her to go yet. Living with Rae makes me feel a lot less alone. When I was down, she checked on me. We got to play video games in person together. When we had a small argument, she owned up to her mistake and apologized. I've rarely ever had a friend like that. I kind of wish she didn't have to leave.

"Yeah," Rae says. "I thought I'd only be staying here for the weekend. But here we are like, a week later." She reaches for my hand and sighs. "I'm heading over there tomorrow morning."

"You know, I'm really happy for you Rae," I say quietly as I take her hand and squeeze it gently. "Getting to live in a great new place with all your friends sounds really fun, and I'm happy for you." I closed-mouth smile at her. She looks at the ground and bites her lip nervously.

"Will you be okay here on your own? I don't want you to feel too lonely."

"Rae, I'll be fine. Don't worry about me. I can't wait for covid to be over so I can come to visit you guys! I'll be just fine-"

Rae pulls me into a hug. We sit there without talking, the Mario Kart menu music playing in the background. After a few seconds, she pulls away and puts her hands on my shoulders and she looks into my eyes.

"Promise me you'll take care of yourself." She shakes me by the shoulders and looks into my eyes relentlessly. "And text or call me if you feel alone."

"I don't want to bother you if you're busy-"

"Sykkuno!" she snaps, causing me to flinch. She then sighs and loosens her grip on my shoulders. "Just...promise me. Please?"

I feel like I'd be lying if I said "I promise." I am worried about being lonely when she leaves, but it's something I'm pretty used to. It doesn't feel good to be lonely, but I'd rather not drag Rae down with me.

It's hard for me to wrap my head around the idea that I have friends that really care about me. Before I had friends like Rae, I was afraid to be myself. I've always believed I'm kind of cringy, but now I feel like it doesn't matter if I am. When Rae was here for the past week, I didn't feel so lonely. And now, I'm going to be alone again. A deep, crushing wave of worry washes over me.

I don't want to be alone again.

"I...promise." I smile and interlock her pinky with mine. "Pinky promise. Do you need help packing?"

She picks up her controller and selects 2-player Grand Prix. "I packed most of my stuff last night. Let's play some more Mario Kart!"

"Wait-you were packing when Corey was over? I thought you said you were playing games with friends?"

"I...wasn't ready to tell you I was leaving yet." She tucks her hair behind her ear and selects her kart. "Speaking of...are you two ok? You seemed kind of upset last night."

I cringe and my body tenses. I momentarily relive the feeling of Corey running his fingers through my hair. The smell of his cologne and the deep hum of his voice as my head laid on his chest. It felt like nothing mattered when I was sleeping there. I was in complete oblivion.

"Sy?"

I could have sworn it sounded like Corpse when he said that nickname. Corpse always calls me that on stream. But when I woke up on Corey's chest to the familiar voice, I felt something awake inside of me. A warm, fuzzy feeling. My chest tightened and my heart was racing. I heard the hum of his voice and the sound of his heartbeat and looked over to find that in my sleep, I had cast my hand across his chest. It was such a suggestive position. I pulled away quickly. I apologized profusely, but he stopped me. He put his arm around me and I turned to face him.